


The Universe is Lazy (Ficlets)

by justanexercise



Series: MCU Soul Mate stories [1]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Captain America (Movies), Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/F, F/M, Gen, Multi, Soul Bond, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates, soul mate tattoo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-23
Updated: 2015-05-10
Packaged: 2018-02-18 11:27:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 24
Words: 25,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2346848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justanexercise/pseuds/justanexercise
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first words your soul mate says to you are on your skin.</p><p>Soul bond Maria & Natasha and how they find out. Sometimes it’s just the two of them, other times, well let’s throw in a few poly soul bonds shall we? Ficlets.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Hello There (M/N)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [write love on my skin](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1835587) by [amusewithaview](https://archiveofourown.org/users/amusewithaview/pseuds/amusewithaview). 



> One-shots of Maria/Natasha's soul bond tattoo. 
> 
> Some might include others in their bond, cause it's funny.

Maria Hill stands at the off ramp of the jet with her arms crossed. Of all the stupid things Barton can do, he goes off mission. Worse of all, Coulson agrees with him and now she’s stuck with their combined stupidity. She doesn’t have to look at her watch to know they’re late. Maria’s been waiting for them to arrive for the past 5 minutes, and she’s got better things to do. For instance, commanding an entire Helicarrier since Fury is off doing God only knows what at the Triskelion, leaving her to be the welcome wagon for the famous Black Widow.

Another two minutes and finally, she sees her least favorite agent strutting down the ramp, of course he’s sleeveless, showing off his arms. A few paces behind him is Coulson, stoic as ever, only a small tic at the corner of his mouth shows his amusement. Last but not least is of course Black Widow.

She’s younger in person, Maria notes. Even with a bruised and bloody face, she’s beautiful. Maria stamps down her ogling and nearly rolls her eyes at the handcuffs. With her skills, Black Widow probably already has them unlocked.

“Agent Barton, Agent Coulson,” Maria greets breezily.

“It was my idea,” Barton says.

“Of course Barton, only you would be this idiotic.”

Barton doesn’t take offense to that, instead just grins boyishly to Maria’s annoyance.

Maria sweeps her eyes up and down Black Widow when they all stop in front of her. Her fingers twitch against her gun.

“She’s clean,” Clint says, noticing Maria’s movement. “I checked myself.”

Maria does roll her eyes this time and locks her gaze with Black Widow’s, not backing down even with the blank stare she gets in return.

“You missed the switchblade embedded into her belt,” Maria says to the Black Widow.

Black Widow focuses on her so quickly and intently on Maria has the sudden urge to flinch at the end of her sentence. It doesn’t help the feeling once Black Widow grins, all teeth. Black Widow slowly reaches to the edge of her belt, pulling out the hidden knife and placing it in Coulson’s outstretched palm.

“Tanto neck knife, actually.”

Maria loses her composure for half a second, enough for anyone with any spy training to see her shock. It isn’t the fact that Maria was actually joking about the hidden weapon but what Black Widow said. She’s been waiting to hear those words for her entire life and never could she have imagined them to be said today.

“Crap,” Maria hisses. She has the urge to hit her head against a solid object, repeatedly.

Black Widow’s smile gets even wider and her eyes shine with happiness, leaving Barton and Coulson looking on in confusion. She licks her fingers, rolling her sleeves up and rubs her moist fingers against a patch of smooth skin on her inner forearm.

Not even Maria could deny it now, tattooed on her arm is Maria’s first sentence.

Coulson breaks composure first, a sharp intake of breath while Barton curses under his breath.

“Where’s yours?” Black Widow asks.

Maria sighs and partially unzips her jumpsuit, pulling at the collar. The irony of the words aren’t lost on anyone, they’re embedded on her shoulder right next to her neck.

Black Widow nods her head. “Natasha Romanoff,” she introduces herself. When Maria doesn’t answer, Natasha pouts. “It’s a bit rude to not introduce yourself to your soul mate. I’m going to have to call you pretty-blue-eyes if you don’t.”

“Maria Hill.”

Natasha smirks. “Pleasure to meet you, Maria.”

She tamps down the fire that shoots through her stomach. Natasha saying her name shouldn’t have that effect. 

“So, you should be thanking me for not taking the shot now right?” Barton interrupts.

Maria shoots him a glare until he withers under it. Maybe Barton should’ve taken the shot. As if her life wasn’t complicated enough, she’s now soul mates with the world’s top assassin who’s just defected to SHIELD. Maria feels the pangs of a headache starting. The paperwork is going to be massive.   


	2. Coffee (M/N/ Darcy)

It’s rare Natasha Romanoff ever gets surprised. It’s even more statistically unlikely to get surprised twice in a span of ten seconds.

Natasha blames it on Maria. It’s her fault her senses are dulled from the amazing and long sex last night and early morning. Also the fact that she’s just come back to the tower after a 48 hour battle with the Avengers against another alien life form attempting to enslave humankind.

It’s no wonder Natasha’s normally sharp senses are impaired to the point she doesn’t notice another person standing two feet away from her. This carelessness ends up with two steaming mugs of coffee dumped across her chest; staining her white shirt and making it stick to her body.

Natasha points her eyes towards the culprit, a young brunette whose eyes are so wide Natasha fears they may actually pop out of their sockets. Natasha recognizes her, Jane Foster’s assistant or intern, the one who tased Thor, Darcy.

Her first surprise of the day is getting coffee on her, the next…

“Oh my god, I am so sorry. Please don’t kill me. I swear I’ll get you a new cup of coffee just don’t use your ninja skills to make me disappear forever.”

Natasha freezes, she stares at Darcy. She’s at a loss for words.

Maria, luckily hearing the commotion barrels out of her room and pulls the girl away from what she thinks will be a bloody death. Grabbing the girl by the shoulder’s she says, “Stop. Breathe.”

Darcy stops to take a huge gulp of air. “Breathing, yes that’s good.”

A moment and Darcy’s eyes widen even more and her mouth gapes like a fish. Maria tenses up and turns back towards Natasha.

Natasha grins, eyeing her two girls. Hers. They’ve been waiting for a long time for this. Natasha peels off her shirt and readjusts her bra, showing the long line of words wrapping around her whole body just under her breasts.

“Do you know how much makeup it takes to cover this?”

Maria shows Darcy hers next, sliding her shirt up to her ribs. Darcy traces both their tattoos. Shuddering a bit from the cooling coffee and Darcy’s touch, Natasha closes her eyes, taking in the moment.

Darcy squeaks and sniffles. She turns around, parts her hair and pulls down on her shirt. There, at the nape of her neck are Natasha’s and Maria’s first words, one on top of the other.

“You guys…?” Darcy sniffs again, her eyes glassy. “My soul mates are super kickass women?”

“Are you okay with that?” Maria asks, taking Darcy’s hand.

“Are you kidding me? Duh!”

Maria grins and sends Natasha a teasing look. “You’re still the shortest one.”

Punching Maria on the shoulder, lightly of course, Natasha can’t help but smile.


	3. Ambush (M/N)

They’re in Canada.

Of all the regions in the world, Black Widow chooses Canada.

And of course Fury sends her to run the team tasked to bring her in. It better not be another Canadian jab or he’ll be getting some extra paperwork.

She holds the button on her earpiece. “Update Hawkeye.”

“Still no sign of target. AIM agents are almost done loading the trucks ma’am.”

Maria clenches her fist. “Hold until target arrival.”

“Affirmative ma’am,” Barton pauses a moment. “Ma’am?”

She recognizes the tone and hesitation. “What’s got you worried Hawkeye?”

“Another wild goose chase. 3rd one I’ve been on, but 7th overall. Don’t think Widow’s going to show up on this one either.”

She closes her eyes already thinking the same thing before Barton said it. Widow’s been dropping hints of her whereabouts for the past 6 months, but each time SHIELD’s been involved, she’s nowhere in sight; only terrorist cells and organizations that have been on SHIELD’S radar that they couldn’t catch. Widow’s been leaving them presents.

Everything comes with a price.

Owing Black Widow favors? That’s something SHIELD isn’t prepared to pay.

“Opinion noted,” Maria says, weighing the options in her head. “Engage hostiles at will.”

“Roger that.”

Maria mutes her microphone and leans back on the rickety chair in the shack placed two miles away from the action. She idly traces her hip, where her mark is under her field suit. Ignoring the mild disappointment, Maria squashes the small ember of hope she carries at being assigned this mission. It’s for the best, how would she ever explain to anyone in SHIELD her soul mate could be Black Widow?

A creak behind her has Maria spinning, knocking back her chair and her gun pointing in less than a second. Nothing. Maria narrows her eyes, no, something or someone is here. She takes a step towards the door and does an about face.

Her chair is placed upright again, with a redhead sitting crossed leg and looking smug. SHIELD doesn’t have any clear photographs of her, but Maria knows.

Black Widow.

They stare at one another, Maria’s gun never wavering. Black Widow’s eyes are very green, so easy to fall into. Maria doesn’t dare let her gaze stray from Black Widow’s, but she wants to knock that infuriating smirk off.

Black Widow stands up, so gracefully. Maria levels her gun. A warning. One the Black Widow does not heed, she draws closer, Maria ignores the shine in her eyes.

She should shoot.

Kill Black Widow.

Rid the world of its’ top assassin.

Fury would be upset but he’ll understand.

Black Widow holds the barrel of the gun as Maria’s hands start shaking, stabilizing it. Black WIdow drops her forehead against the muzzle of the gun, right between her eyes. There’s a yearning in those eyes Maria doesn’t want to see. The gun wobbles in her grip again.

Her earpiece crackles, the team’s engaged with AIM agents.

The mission. That’s what’s important.

Maria inhales. “You’ve been trying to catch SHIELD’s attention. Why?”

Black Widow’s other hand comes up to touch Maria’s arm, caressing her wrist through the suit. Maria swallows, not prepared for the tingling underneath her hand.

“To find you, Дорогая моя _(my dear)_.”

Those Russian words embedded into her skin are Maria’s first clue her soul mate is most likely a Russian assassin, with her line of work, there’s no other person it could be.

“I could kill you,” Maria says, her finger tightening on the trigger, “shoot you right now.”

Black Widow nods and closes her eyes, still smiling.

Maria cocks the hammer of the gun down, the click echoing. “Are you going to stop me?”

She opens her eyes. “You are the only one allowed to kill me.”

Clenching her jaw so tight her gums hurt, Maria presses the gun forward, tilting Black Widow’s head back. “Why?”

“They tried to erase you,” Black Widow says. She untucks her shirt and indicates her soul mark across her hip bone. Scarred, but legible. “They tried to burn you off.”

Maria’s fingers itch to trace the raised skin and letters, soothe away the pain it must have caused. She doesn’t move a muscle.

Black Widow’s eyes drop, disappointed. “They told me love is for children.”

“And? Is that what you believe?”

“I wouldn’t have your mark if love is for children. Only you can judge me. My soul mate.”

“Fuck,” Maria hisses. “I can’t be your salvation Widow.”

“Natasha Romanoff.”

That name isn’t in any of SHIELD’s files. It could be her real name, or just another alias.

Maria’s earpiece flares to life once more. “Hostiles rounded up Agent Hill. Proceeding to extraction point. No sigh of Black Widow ma’am.”

“Agent Hill,” Natasha mumbles, rolling the name on her tongue. “Hill.”

Maria unmutes her microphone, “Affirmative Hawkeye.” She narrows her eyes at Natasha, no Black Widow. Steeling her resolve. “Make room for one more.”

Natasha grins, showing her full set of white teeth.

Tossing her earpiece after turning it off, Maria lowers her gun, her arm not even a bit fatigued.

Maria tugs Natasha’s neck with her freehand, smashing their lips together in an uncoordinated kiss. Natasha doesn’t seem to mind, she bites back with the same ferociousness, her hands going straight for Maria’s hair, loosening the bun. Maria pulls back first, her mind a bit foggy, but determined.

She rears her arm back, smashing the butt of the gun into Natasha’s temple.

Natasha drops to the ground, unconscious.

Maria sighs and rubs her head. Natasha better not make her regret not killing her.


	4. Rescue (M/N/ Pepper)

 

Natasha always traces one soul mark after every mission. She wakes up in cold sweat, the faces in her nightmares changing each night, but the same phrase repeated over and over again. It’s unclear if it’s a wiped memory or her subconscious wreaking havoc. She tries not to let Maria see her like this, but Maria is there, holding her like an anchor, every single time.

She tries to take solace in Maria’s other soul mark, but there’s a chance she’s already met her other soul mate before Maria.

_Help me, please!_

If she has, Natasha would have killed them.

-

Tony Stark might be a genius but he’s the stupidest man Natasha’s ever had the displeasure of meeting. Case in point, letting his former chauffeur become the head of security to protect the new CEO, Pepper Potts. It’s a shame Natasha hasn’t had the chance to meet Potts, the mission going to Agent 13 since Maria had gotten injured. Even Fury knows not to send Natasha away during that period.

Meeting Pepper while Stark Towers is literally falling apart is not the worst first meeting Natasha’s been through. It might be for Pepper though.

Natasha grapples down from the Quinjet, easily locating Pepper through the wreckage, before another detonation can shake the building.

Spotting Natasha gliding towards her, Pepper shouts, “Help me, please!”

Wrapping an arm around Pepper, Natasha races them across the floors to the windows. The rumbles below the building indicating another charge displaced. Natasha slings Pepper’s long legs around her and says, “Don’t let go.”

Pepper’s mouth opens in shock; whatever she means to say is drowned in a scream when Natasha smashes the windows and dives off the building, releasing the parachute at a safe distance.

-

Natasha doesn’t look at Pepper through the plane ride, even though she’s been trying to catch Natasha’s attention. Now that she’s had time to analyze the mission, her heart nearly stops at the implication. She can’t have this hope. And she can’t lose Maria.

For the fifth time, Pepper clears her throat and stares pointedly at Natasha. “I just wanted to thank you,” Pepper says with a sigh, “for saving me.”

Natasha nods.

Pepper sighs again and coughs uncomfortably. “I’m not sure how to—“

“I already found my soul mate,” Natasha interrupts, her eyes locking with Pepper’s shocked ones.

“Oh,” Pepper mumbles, a blush forming from her cheeks to her neck. “Of course.” She nods, resigned.

They don’t look at each other again. Natasha ignores the gnawing pain across her thigh where Pepper’s words mark her skin.

-

She fiddles with the Widow Bites on her wrist, the jet just touched down and she can already see Maria’s shadow down the ramp. Rushing to her side, Natasha impulsively hugs Maria, feeling her freeze up. They don’t do public displays of affection.

Maria’s the one to break the hug first, questioning her with her eyes. Natasha doesn’t have an answer to give, shrugging her shoulders.

Pepper’s heels clack against the tarmac, rousing them both from the eye conversation. As expected of the CEO of Stark Industries, she’s recovered from Natasha’s blunt statements.

“Your soul mate saved my life,” Pepper says to Maria, a tight smile on her lips.

Natasha’s eyes widen while Maria smirks, holding nudging Natasha with her shoulder.

“I think you mean our,” Maria answers.

Pepper’s jaw drops again. “Oh.” She looks towards Natasha, “Are you…okay with this?”

 “Only if you are.”

Natasha smiles, letting her fears go to rest.


	5. Relieved (M/N/ Skye)

Skye’s bored.

Superhero fangirling does get mundane after two weeks.

Ever since Coulson brought them to the Avenger’s Tower, Skye’s been left behind. It’s not her fault she doesn’t have anything to do while Coulson does some much needed relationship repair with the Avengers. Fitz and Simmons are always in the lab, chattering away with Jane and Bruce about all the sciencey things. Skye’s tried to follow along, but even meeting Iron Man and totally fangirling about it doesn’t cut the fact that they are all total geniuses. And nerds.

Triplet’s training with Captain America, Falcon and the Winter Soldier. It’s been fun to stare at them while they were working out, but they tried to rope her into training with them. Nope. No way. Not even touching their hot bods is a good enough incentive for the sore muscles she’s bound to have. And count the fact that she’s going to make a fool out of herself.

May’s somewhere. Skye has no idea where. She might be avoiding her. Might have to do with the fact that Skye keeps whining about being bored.

Being bored does have its ups. For instance, getting acquainted with Stark technology and totally hacking everything she could. Even Stark’s impressed with her skills and offers to give her a job. Coulson already declines on her behalf.

Of all the superhero stalking though, Skye’s never managed to see the Black Widow and Maria Hill in the tower. There’s also the problem of Skye being super nervous every time she catches a glimpse of one of them and she drops anything she’s holding and squeaks. It’s super embarrassing.

Now though, now is Skye’s time to shine.

Natasha and Maria are mumbling at the coffee machine that’s way too complicated to be a kitchen appliance. Probably from Stark’s modifications.

“How does this even work? Where do you put the mug?” Maria shakes the machine.

“Watch the coffee beans, I think they go here,” Natasha says.

Skye cracks her knuckles. It’s just time to show off her skills. “Step aside ladies, I’ve got this.”

Everyone freezes.

There has to be a hole Skye can crawl into. That is the single douchiest thing she’s ever said. And Skye’s never had much of a filter. Would she be able to outrun Black Widow and Agent Hill?

Just as Skye gets ready to jump out the window, Maria’s chuckle breaks her concentration.

They both turn around, a look of amusement. Good. They’re not going to kill her. That’s good right?

“You have no idea how relieved I am,” Maria says.

“Ditto,” adds Natasha.

Skye squeaks and covers her mouth. She clears her throat, her cheeks burning. “So…uh…you two are…”

Natasha slinks next to Skye, throwing an arm around the stunned woman. “Yup. Both of us.”

Maria smirks, leaning against the counter. “You are much better than what I’ve been imagining.” Her eyes go up and down Skye’s body and her smile is decidedly much more predatory.

Seeing that Skye’s first words to her soul mates are entirely misogynistic given the right circumstances, Skye can’t blame her. “Yea, I’m sorry. My mouth just runs sometimes.”

Natasha shrugs, pulling Skye closer to her. “You’ve got ‘Ditto’ tattooed on you, I say we’re even. Right Maria?”

Maria bites her lip, and oh does Skye want to be the one doing that.

“I don’t know Nat, she’s made us wait this long. She’s got lots of making up to do.”

Oh. Well then.

Skye’s lips quirk up.

“I am totally down for that.”

Looks like she won’t be bored anymore.


	6. Biding My Time (M/N)

It’s taken an entire month for her soul mark to appear after leaving the Red Room. Whatever serum they have on her to suppress it is all flushed out then. Natasha’s glad the words wind around her hipbone, minimal cover up needed unless she wears anything that showcases more skin. The first time she sees them, Natasha collapses in the shower. She’s a product of the Red Room but never has she ever experienced such fear, not since the childhood she can’t remember.

A glimmer of hope.

She quashes down that instinct after she stands up from the water that’s long since gone cold.

Love is for children.

She reminds herself every time a spark ignites in her chest. She has to repeat that mantra every time she sees the soul mark. She repeats it until she believes it.

Love is for children.

Natasha Romanoff is no longer a child. She hasn’t been for a long time.

It’s the hundredth time she’s repeated that sentence and she still says it in her head.

She stops thinking of those words after she joins SHIELD.

It’s no longer effective. Not after she catches a glimpse of Maria Hill.

For once, Natasha doesn’t tamp down the feeling in her chest.

-

Natasha leans on the balcony above the bridge of the Helicarrier. To anyone paying attention, Natasha would just be relaxing and scoping the area, but to the trained eye, for instance one Clint Barton, well she’s Maria watching. Again.

“Shut up Clint,” Natasha says, not even sparing him a glance.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“I can hear you thinking.”

Clint leans next to her. “You can read minds now?”

Natasha doesn’t grace him with a response.

He nudges her shoulder. “Come on, you ever going to speak to her?”

She looks at Maria commanding the Helicarrier and clenches her fist.

-

“Is there a reason why you’ve been stalking me Agent Romanoff?”

Maria crosses her arm over her chest, staring down at Natasha after cornering her in the hallway. Natasha blinks. Has she been this transparent? She’ll need some extra stealth practice now.

She can’t help the small upward twitch of her lips at Maria’s observation. Her instincts weren’t wrong.

“How else would I see your pretty face Agent Hill?” Natasha asks, leaning back against the wall.

Maria’s whole body tenses. “What did you say?”

“How else would I see your pretty face.”

Good thing they are near Maria’s office, she drags Natasha in and locks the door. Natasha keeps her face stoic, a bit more difficult than she’d like, a smile wants to form.

“Show me,” Maria commands, staring steely at Natasha.

Natasha lowers the zipper of her field suit, she wants to tease but Maria’s not having any of it. Maria grabs Natasha’s hand and yanks the zipper all the way down.

“Geez, eager much?” Natasha says.

“Where?”

Natasha rolls her eyes, parting the fabric until the soul mark is in clear view. She suppresses a shiver when Maria traces the words. Her skin is still warm even after Maria retracts her finger.

“I’ve shown you mine, show me yours,” Natasha takes a step back.

Maria swallows and nods. She turns around and unzips her suit, shimmying it down until her back is exposed. Natasha’s breath hitches in her throat. She reaches out to touch, but stops herself an inch away. She traces the air underneath her hand instead.

“Done?” Maria asks. Without waiting for an answer, she pulls her field suit back up and zips it shut.

“So, soulmates.”

“This doesn’t change anything Agent Romanoff.”

“I never expected it to.”

That’s a lie. But Natasha is an amazing liar, even to herself.

“You’re dismissed Agent,” Maria steps aside, and gestures to Natasha’s body. “Make yourself decent before heading out. I don’t need agents fainting outside my door.”

“Yes ma’am.”

Natasha clenches her fists and roughly zips herself back up. They’ve been right all along.

Love is for children.

“Oh Natasha?” Maria says just as Natasha turns the door knob. “Do you like Italian food?”

Natasha turns back towards Maria with one eyebrow quirked up. “It’s fine.”

“Good,” Maria smiles. “There’s an excellent Italian place a couple blocks away. Would you like to join me if you’re free tonight?”

“I’d…like that.”

“See you at 19:00.”

Natasha nods her approval and shuts the door behind her. This time, she can’t help the wide smile. A few sensible agents in the hall blink and hurry away. It’s never a good idea to be around Romanoff when she’s smiling. That’s the general rule.

She walks across the Helicarrier, her steps showing her ballet training as if she were floating down the halls. She has 4 hours to prepare for her date and Clint is going to be squealing for 2 hours of that. There’s not enough time to prepare!


	7. Silence (N/M/ Skye)

 

If anybody were to ask, Skye’s busy hacking into the remaining HYDRA cells with functioning computers who were stupid enough to not have firewalls. In reality, Skye’s hiding. In a closet. Literally. At least she has wifi and snacks where she is and a bathroom no one really frequents right across the hall.

How did she end up in this predicament?

Two hours ago, the remaining high level SHIELD agents now headed by Coulson are busy debriefing. Everyone is fangirling just a tiny bit, because, hello, the Black Widow is here! Along with former Assistant Director Hill. They’re called the power lesbian couple down the ranks. They sure make an ass kicking duo…

But back to why Skye’s barricaded herself in a closet.

It’s Coulson’s fault really, if you were to ask Skye that is. It’s not. Not really. He pairs everyone off, May and Trip gathering intel and assembling a team, Fitz and Simmons researching new tech Maria’s conveniently liberated from Stark so naturally she has to supervise them, leaving her with Natasha freaking Romanoff alone in the room.

And that is when things went kablooey for Skye.

Natasha gives Skye an appraising look and nods. “ _Looks like it’s just you and me rookie_.”

Skye squeaks and claps her hands over her mouth. Natasha’s eyebrows shoot up, confused. That’s when Skye bolts out of there. While she’s running down the hall, dodging agents and friends alike, in her head is a scramble of thoughts, all of them centered on Natasha’s sentence. Why? It’s the exact same sentence winding down her thigh.

-

After nearly four hours in a locked closet, Skye realizes just how ridiculous that is so she vows to be normal and avoid Maria and Natasha for as long as they’re on the base. That shouldn’t be too hard right? They have things to do soon. Like spy things. Spy things that she should be doing but not cause she’s too busy freaking out and avoiding every single life form like the plague.

It all comes to a standstill when May knocks on her room, scaring the shit out of Skye. She double checks the video feed on her laptop that it is not Maria or Natasha and lets May in.

The first words out of May’s mouth is, “Four.”

“Uhh…what?” Skye says, walking backwards and falling onto her armchair. May’s giving her some serious stare now.

“You’ve missed four briefings.”

“I’ve been busy you know, hacking into HYDRA plus Simmons updates me on things.”

May narrows her eyes at her. “You’ve been avoiding Romanoff.”

Goddamn how’d she know?! Skye hopes her limited training has paid off and her face hasn’t dropped. It has. Skye sighs. Rip it off, like a band aid.

“There’s sorta maybe a chance she’s my soul mate.”

May raises an eyebrow, unimpressed. “And?”

“And what?”

“Have you told her?”

“No!”  

“Why?” May demands more than asks.

Skye waves her hands, as if the answer should be obvious. “She already has a soul mate doesn’t she? Maria Hill, as in former Assistant Director Maria Hill!”

“I am aware of who Maria Hill is Skye.”

“And you’re asking me why I haven’t told Agent Romanoff? I am not going in between the power couple of SHIELD.”

“So that’s the problem.”

“Duh!”

Come on, Skye doesn’t actually have a death wish no matter what her impetuous actions may likely tell a psychologist.

“You actually want to be in between them.”

“Did you not hear me? I am not –“

“Literally. In between them,” May says. She crosses her arms and dares Skye to contradict her.

Skye gapes. “That is beside the point May.”

“You should speak with them.” Skye resists the urge to roll her eyes, she happens to want to keep her eyes thank you very much. (Rumor has it Fury lost his eye because he rolled them in front of Agent May.)

May continues staring until Skye looks away. Damn it, no one ever wins a staring contest with her. May walks away and pauses at the door, hesitating.

“You’re not the only one with two soul marks.”

Skye’s body seizes up from shock. She whips her head towards her door. “How—“ But May’s already gone. Her head falls back and she groans. Fucking ninjas.

-

Skye’s sulking as she stomps her way down to the briefing room. Coulson’s threatened to withhold chocolate chip muffins if she doesn’t come down for a team meeting. Why is her kryptonite mini chocolate chip muffins? They’re just so delicious and tiny so she can eat five in a row without feeling guilty. Plus the fact that May’s threatened her, with her eyes, if she doesn’t go. If yesterday’s training session is any indication, she wouldn’t be able to even lift her arms if she doesn’t heed May’s warning. Skye may be stubborn but she isn’t stupid.

She throws open the door like a petulant child and crashes into a seat. She refuses to lift her head up to acknowledge the assholes who are making her life miserable. She really should though, look around the room that is. It’s too late now because the door just locked. Triple times.

Looking around her, Skye sees Maria and Natasha sitting calmly next to each other on the conference table. Skye’s eyes widen as big as saucers and her jaw drops. Nuh uh. No way. No way in hell. Skye darts up and tries for the door, even though she knows it’s locked. She jiggles the handle and pounds the door when it doesn’t open.

A throat clears behind her.

Skye takes in a huge breath and readies her mind. All she has to do is not speak. Ever.

Turning around, she doesn’t expect to see Maria in front of her and Skye backs up and hits the door. Trapped.

“ _We’ve been waiting for you_.”

Skye really wants to let out some sass, waiting for me in this briefing room cause Coulson and May are traitorous jerks? But of course, her vow of silence is stopping her. So instead, Skye shrugs her shoulder and gives Maria a half-hearted smile. Her brain does grind to a halt. Again. The universe must hate or love her, because yes, Maria’s mark winds across her back.

But it can’t be true.

Her whole life’s been shit. This. Well this is just the universe or God or whatever entity out there is just playing one big prank on her. She can’t be soul mates with the Black Widow and a badass like Maria Hill. Nope. Just not cosmically possible.

Skye slips past Maria, walking straight into Natasha. She jumps back and bumps into Maria. Trapped. She’s so trapped.

“You know, I thought you were just scared of me,” Natasha says with a smile. “But then I had a very enlightening talk with Agent May.”

May is so not getting a Christmas present this year. That traitor.

Skye gulps. They’re not touching her, just close. Like only slide a piece of paper between them close. They might as well be touching her. Oh God they really should. Touch her. No, wait they should leave her. But touching sounds so much better.

“Coulson tells me you’re very clever, even better at mouthing him off,” Maria whispers behind her. “But you haven’t said a word to us yet have you?”

Water. She so needs water because her mouth tastes just like the desert. Not that she’s ever licked the desert, but if she did, this is probably what it would taste like. All that moisture she desperately needs is definitely going south where Skye most definitely does not need it to. Her body is also a traitor, especially when Natasha gives her a sly wink and she can feel tingles all the down to her toes.

“They’re not going to open the door until we tell them to,” Maria says. She steps back and Skye exhales in relief, too bad it’s short lived. “And we’re not going to, until you speak with us.”

If Skye can somehow injure herself, shouldn’t be too hard, they would have to let her out. Bleeding out with no apparent threat is totally embarrassing, but she’s desperate. Except Natasha seems to know exactly what she’s thinking.

“Don’t even think about it, I can incapacitate you before you can even move a single muscle trying to run into something.”

“Way to not scare her off Nat,” Maria says, leaning against the table. “Come on Skye.”

Skye just closes her eyes, nuh uh. There will be no confirmation as long as she keeps silent. Then they can just all move on with their lives.

“Hey,” Natasha says, her voice soft and is that vulnerability? “Are you scared of me? Of what I am?”

Skye’s eyes snap open and she furiously shakes her head no. Of course not. Why would she be? They should be disgusted with her! Her father is literally a monster.

“It’s okay,” Maria pipes up and walks closer to her. Skye backpedals, Maria looks…sad. “We know we’re not the most conventional of pairings,” Maria motions towards herself and Natasha. “If you don’t want this, want us, we’re not forcing you to.”

Natasha somehow maneuvers her to stand in front of Maria without Skye ever knowing her foot’s even moved. They’re all close again, so close. Skye can feel their body heat ghosting across her. She breathes faster.

“But we really want you to,” Natasha adds.

Uh oh. Skye’s brain just short circuited. Natasha’s biting her lip and looking up at her through ridiculously long eyelashes. Wow, how do people even resist her like this? No one that’s who. Skye really can’t help herself when she takes the next step and kisses Natasha. All of a sudden there’s body contact, god she’s been aching for it.

Natasha kisses back and pushes her towards Maria who’s sweeping Skye’s hair from her neck. Skye gasps once Maria’s lips touch her skin. She goes weak in the knees and Maria wraps an arm around her waist, holding her up.

“Skye,” Maria breathes into her ear.

Skye pants and leans her head back onto Maria’s shoulder.

“ _I…I can’t think_ ,” Skye says.

Natasha laughs and pulls them all in for a giant hug. “I told you she’d kiss us first before saying anything!”

“Technically she only kissed you.”

Skye registers that and a sudden pout on Maria’s face. It looks oddly out of place but entirely endearing. She rectifies it instantly, grabbing Maria’s jaw and pressing their lips together. Natasha kisses along Skye’s jawline, going down towards her neck.

“Where are your marks?” Maria asks.

“Back and thigh.”

Natasha raises an eyebrow. “Interesting, that’s where ours are too.”

“You should show us,” Maria steps back, straightening her clothes.

Skye blinks. “Here?”

“Course not rookie,” Natasha holds out her hand. “Where’s your room?”

“Is that all we’ll be doing?” Skye asks, a leer firmly in place.

“Ahhh…the mouthing off Coulson’s complained about, I look forward to hearing it,” Maria grabs Skye’s other hand.

“Please,” Natasha flicks her hair over her shoulder and knocks a series of code onto the door. “She won’t even be able to say anything other than our names, yes, harder, more and fuck.”

Skye flushes scarlet and gulps again.

Natasha grins and clicks her teeth. “See, she’s already speechless just thinking it.”

“I…am not,” Skye manages to say.

The door swings open, May still having a stoic face but her eyes are so smug.

“Thank you Agent May,” Maria says as they head out.

“I trust you not to break her?” May tilts her head towards Skye.

Natasha drags them off and turns her head to say, “Nope can’t promise that.”

May shakes her head but smiles this time. Coulson, next to her does the same.

“We’re not going to see them at all tomorrow are we?” he asks rhetorically.

“More like a week,” May amends. “I’ll have Simmons slip some ice packs through the chute for her.”


	8. Decontamination (n/m/ Jemma Simmons)

“Did you have to blow it up when it was right on top of us?” Maria asks for the fifth time while wiping slime off her neck. It smears, like the last time she’s tried.

“I didn’t have to, I could’ve just let it eat you both,” Stark replies through the comms.

If only he were in the same jet as them, she’d flick the icky green slime on top of his stupid smug face, but no, both she and Natasha are to be isolated until they are sure alien body parts and blood aren’t biologically hazardous and contagious.

“Shut up Star,” Natasha says, flicking another piece of goo from her hand.

“Hey you asked.”

Natasha rolls her eyes, as does Maria. They take off the comms, Stark’s voice still blaring from them. Maria crushes hers and smiles at the yelp coming from Natasha’s. Serves him right.

“Pepper has asked me to tell you to stop breaking the ear pieces,” Natasha eyes the scraps of plastic and circuits on the seat. She shuts off her own and throws it in a bin.

“I’ll stop when she reels in Stark.”

“Fine, I’ll let her know to up the budget and construction.”

-

The ramp of the quinjet lowers, finally they’re at Coulson’s new not-so-secret base. It’s a shame the Avengers Tower isn’t equipped to handle biological contamination, Maria’s going to have to put in a request for that later.

Their shoes leave slimy foot prints down the pathway, squelching with every step taken. Maria and Natasha sees a young brunette with a lab coat on behind a glass partition. Probably who they need to speak with. The brunette lifts her head when they knock on her door and she immediately blanches, waving her arms in the air when they press the buttons on her door.

“ _Wait you need to be decontaminated first!”_ she says to them both through the intercom.

Maria raises an eyebrow and crosses her arm. “ _And what does that entail?”_

“Incineration of all articles of clothing currently on your persons, scans to ensure no biological matter is harmful, samples of your saliva, hair, blood, and a thorough washing.”

Natasha mirrors Maria stance. “ _I think you should buy us dinner first.”_

She stalls, staring at Natasha and Maria, a slow smile creeping up on her face. “I’ve always wondered who I’d be buying dinner for. Statistically the odds of that would be that you’re both women, since a man would be more likely to pay for dinner but in a same-sex relationship well, that’s a whole new set of rules. But first, decontamination.”

“And what do we call you oh soul mate of ours?” Natasha winks.

“Oh right, I’m Jemma, Jemma Simmons.”

“I’m –“

“Oh I know all about the both of you,” Jemma says with a blush. “I did not mean for that to sound so…stalkerish. It’s just at the Academy, there’s been so many stories. Did you really gouge Director Fury’s eye out with a spoon because he asked if you were a natural redhead?”

“Really?” Natasha shares an amused smile with Maria. “That’s the rumor that went on? And wouldn’t you like to know Ms. Simmons.”

“Is it classified?”

“I did unclassify everything SHIELD. Was it in the reports?”

“I hadn’t had a chance to look at all of them, the information dump was quite massive. Though I doubt former Director Fury would have kept those medical logs in the system.”

“That’s not what I’m asking.”

Jemma tilts her head to the side, like a confused puppy. “What…?”

“If I’m a natural redhead, care to find out?”

“Oh!” Jemma jumps a bit. “I…uhh…”

“Stop it Nat,” Maria bumps Natasha’s shoulder. “Ease her into it.”

“Fine.”

“Decontamination!” Jemma nearly shouts. “I’m sure you want to wash off that slime, can’t be comfortable. And I’d need to analyze its properties. I’m afraid you’d both have to stay in quarantine for at least 24 hours.”

“Oh whatever shall we do there,” Natasha says.

“No sex,” Jemma commands. There’s no argument in her eyes, Dr. Simmons is currently in.

This time Maria smiles, “Got it. No sex. Until you’re ready to join in Dr. Simmons.”

“Ohhh, look who’s jumping the gun now,” Natasha says.

“Go. Both of you,” Jemma points to the doors. “The sooner you’re both finished, the sooner we can go to that dinner.”

“Doctor’s got a point, come on.” Natasha grabs Maria’s hand and runs to the lab doors.

Jemma shakes her head but has a fond smile on. She taps her tablet computer and initiates the decontamination process. After a few minutes her lab door opens and Skye struts in, jumping onto the holotable.

“Did I miss them? They’re totally here right? Crap did they leave already?”

“Who?” Jemma asks, distracted.

“Black Widow and AD Hill. I think AD Hill should totally get a codename too. She’s practically a part of the Avengers, and she’s so badass. Have you seen the footage with her shooting down those aliens? Bad ass!”

“I’ll bring it up to her at dinner. They’re still in decontamination at the moment, but you could speak with them in the quarantine room. They’ll probably be bored since I forbid them from having intercourse until I’ve fully cleared the alien substance,” Jemma says, not aware of Skye’s widening eyes.

“Dinner? When’d you get so chummy with Agent Hill?”

“Just a few minutes ago, after I found out they were my soul mates.”

“Hold up. Did you just say soul mates?” Skye jumps off the table and holds Jemma’s shoulders. “You’re soul mates. With Agent Maria Hill and Black Widow?”

“I…” Jemma’s jaw drops and she covers her mouth with her hands. “Oh dear God. I’m soul mates with the Black Widow and former Assistant Director Maria Hill.”

“Shit that is so awesome Jemma!” Skye says, not noticing Jemma’s paling face. “You totally have to get me an autograph. Wait is that too fangirly? Okay no autograph. But, hey Jemma you doing alright there?”

Jemma leans against the holotable, slowly sliding onto the ground. “My soul mates are the Black Widow and the former Assistant Director.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any one want to suggest a person to be part of their shenanigans?


	9. Super Secret (N/M + Sharon/Steve)

 

“Brunette, 10 o’clock by the dartboard.”

Steve follows her instructions and motions to his mouth. “The one with the lip piercing?”

“She’s kind of cute,” Natasha says, taking a sip of beer.

He shakes his head and leans his forearms against the bar. “Yea I’m not ready for that yet.”

“You’re not ready for any of the girls here, come on Steve just pick one!”

Raising an eyebrow, Steve motions to the bartender for another two bottles of beer. “Why don’t we focus on you for a change?”

“I’m multi-tasking,” Natasha says. She winks to the girl by the dartboard who turns an alarming shade of red and nearly dives into a booth with her friends.

Witnessing all this, Steve blinks. “How do you…”

“And that is why you need me as a wingwoman.”

“I’m just bad at the places you want to go to. Couldn’t we have just gone to a baseball game?”

“I’m not spending my last night as a free woman at a baseball game. Plus the probability of meeting your soul mate is higher at a bar than at a ball game.”

“Baseball stadiums serve beer too,” Steve mumbles. He checks his watch, antique wrist watch to people today, but remarkable still works. “Another hour and we leave.”

“Seriously Steve? It’s not even 8pm.”

“Early day tomorrow.”

“You can’t get drunk and I know you can operate with less than 4 hours of sleep.”

Steve continues, unfazed. “Fury’s not going to be happy if we arrive less than perfect.”

“When are you going to learn,” Natasha hip checks him. “I’m always perfect.”

Natasha swivels in the barstool, surveying the crowd for any potential suitors. It’s pretty packed in for a weeknight, some still in business suits and others in clothing suitable for clubs. Odd group. Lots of single people and none Steve’s attracted to. Shame.

Next to her, Steve sighs into his beer and looks forlornly at the door. A few new arrivals, Steve stares at one in particular.

“Dibs on the brunette,” Natasha says.

“What?” he turns his face towards Natasha but keeps his eyes locked on the two women weaving through the crowd.

“Brunette, mine.”

“I wasn’t…”

Natasha raises her eyebrows, surprised. “The blonde catch your eye? That’s different. She’s cute.”

Definitely got the girl next door vibe with a sweet innocent face, but Natasha’s got her eyes set on the brunette hottie next to her.

“Do you think they’re together?” Steve whispers.

Natasha notes the familiarity they interact with, close proximity, arms brushing against each other. “No. There’s no sexual intimacy or attraction. Childhood friends or sisters.”

“You sure?”

“Are you doubting my observational skills?”

“Cambridge.”

Natasha rolls her eyes at Steve’s side eye. “That was one time, and I still say they were sisters.”

“Doesn’t change the fact that her lover tried to claw my eyes out.”

“How many times do I have to apologize for that?”

“You never apologized.”

Natasha shushes him and orders a pitcher of beer. “Come on, go introduce yourself.”

“What? No I’m not ready!” he says. Natasha hands him the beer while she takes four empty glasses.

“And that’s why I’m coming with you, it was only funny the last time you tried this solo.”

They approach the booth the two women have occupied, Natasha setting the empty glasses on the table first while Steve’s fingers slip around the condensation on the glass pitcher. The two women both look up mid-conversation, waiting. Natasha smiles at the hot brunette, her seductive instincts coming out. Steve on the other hand is gaping and only manages a cringe. She nudges him, nodding her head towards them and shooting him a say-something look.

Steve clears his throat and runs his hand through his hair, forgetting he has an entire pitcher of beer and dropping it on the table.

Natasha jumps back, avoiding the splash, but she didn’t have to, the entire thing spilled on the brunette who’s cursing up a storm.

Of all the things he could do, Steve becomes a klutz and all he could do now is laugh hysterically or else he’d start crying. That is apparently the worst thing he could do. The blonde seethes and stands up, poking him hard in the chest.

_“You think that’s funny asshole? How about I throw a pitcher of beer on you?”_

 “ _Ma’am I meant no disrespect,”_ Steve holds his hands up in protest only to get a face full of scotch, _“…refreshing.”_

She slams the glass on the table and freezes as the words register. Steve sputters and graciously takes the napkin Natasha hands him.

“What did you say?” the blonde faces him.

“Uhh…I’m sorry?” Steve says, wiping his face. He stops and his jaw drops. “Oh…you’re my…oh…”

“Congratulations,” Natasha deadpans to Steve. “You just made the worst first impression on your soul mate.”

“ _Hi, still here and still wet_ ,” the brunette says to the group. She’s holding her drenched shirt away from her body and glaring.

Natasha turns slowly and eyes her with a lot more than just lust. “ _Wet for me I hope.”_

The brunette’s eyes pop wide open and after a few moments she closes her eyes and sighs. “You’re lucky Red, I thought I’d have to deck you.”

“Natasha, not Red.”

“Maria, I’d shake your hand but they’re sticky and I reek of beer.”

Steve smiles and bounces on the balls of his feet. “Both of you? Wow.”

“Words elude my friend here, I apologize his head was on ice for the better part of a century. He’s Steve,” Natasha says.

“Sharon,” the last of the group introduces herself. She crosses her arms. “Can’t say I expected this tonight.”

Maria makes her way out of the booth, shirt still sticking. “I don’t care right now, I need to change and you’re paying for everything.” She points to Steve.

“Yes, of course, I’m so sorry,” Steve pulls out his wallet.

“I wasn’t being serious,” Maria rolls her eyes. “We already paid for our drinks, but you should probably tip them for the mess.”

He looks away from her glare and suppresses a shiver. Her eyes are scary intense. Dropping a few twenties on the table not stained by beer, Steve smiles sheepishly at Sharon.

“So uh, we should probably talk or exchange numbers?” Steve asks.

Out on the street, Sharon gives him a good once over and glances at Maria who gives her a nod of approval. “There’s a good Halal place next door.”

“Great! Yes, let’s go, I’ll buy.” He starts walking but stops when only Sharon follows him.

Maria gives them both a look of disbelief, “I’m not going anywhere other than a shower and clean clothes. Have fun you two, and Sharon, don’t stay up late, early morning remember.”

“Of course,” Sharon nods.

Natasha doesn’t watch them walk away, her eyes are all on the brunette, the white wet shirt giving her a very good view of toned stomach. “My apartment’s a block away.”

Maria raises an eyebrow.

“Just a shower and clean clothes,” Natasha says.

“Only cause your apartment is closer than mine, lead the way,” Maria says.

 

* * *

 

 

Natasha wakes up to a faint scent of beer and a warm body she’s wrapped herself around. The steady movement under her head indicates sleep, she shifts her head up and is rewarded by a very strong jawline. One she starts to kiss.

A faint murmur and Maria hugs Natasha closer. “Morning.”

“Mmhmm,” Natasha hums, pressing her lips up and down Maria’s neck.

“Oh so you can kiss me but not form complete sentences?” Maria chuckles.

Natasha responds by humming again and slipping her thigh over Maria’s hip. She kisses Maria lightly, morning breath be damned.

“Good morning.”

“It is.” Maria draws circles with her thumbs across Natasha’s shoulder. “What time is it?”

“Got somewhere to be?”

“Meeting.”

“That meeting more interesting than me?”

“I highly doubt it, but I also can’t miss it or be late.”

“When’s it at?” Natasha nips Maria’s collarbone.

“Eight.”

Natasha looks at her alarm clock. “It’s six now.”

Maria nods her head and flips them over, she pins Natasha’s wrist on the pillow beside her head. “I’ve got on hour to make you scream.”

 

* * *

 

 

Natasha’s smile won’t go away no matter how many times she’s tried to school her features. Even Steve is getting wary of it. He stares at the traffic outside her car and drums his fingers on his thigh.

 

“You’re not going to ask me how it went?” he asks.

“Ate at the dinner, you walked her home, kissed her good night on the cheek not the lips and got her number. Am I missing anything?”

“…the handholding.”

“Right, can’t forget that. Really Rogers? On the cheek?”

Steve rolls his eyes. “I didn’t want to be too forward with her.”

“She was disappointed.”

“How do you –“ he narrows his eyes “—did Maria tell you?”

“She didn’t tell me, I just overheard it this morning.”

“She stayed the night?” Steve nods his head. “That explains the smile. So you two…last night.”

“We had sex, yes. And this morning,” Natasha’s smile widens again.

“Are you going to tell Fury we’re late because you were too busy getting laid?”

Natasha steps on the gas and narrowly avoids another car accident speeding past the yellow light. “We’re not going to be late.” She slams on the break at the red light. “Maybe a little.”

“We should do a double date, get to know each other.”

“Are you trying to win Maria over?”

Steve says nothing.

“She’s not mad at you, not really, maybe annoyed. You owe her a new shirt by the way.”

“Am I really getting her a new shirt because of the beer stains or because you ripped it?”

Shrugging, Natasha answers, “It’s best that you don’t know.”

 

* * *

 

“Captain Rogers, Agent Romanoff, so nice of you to join us,” Fury says, his one good eye glaring at them.

Steve has the sensibility to look ashamed while Natasha stares back at Fury. They both stand stock-still when their eyes sweep across the room to the seats next to Fury.

“Agent Hill, you have the floor,” Fury says and sits down at the head of the table.

Natasha blinks and only moves when Steve elbows her, they both silently sit.

Maria doesn’t betray any hint of recognition and she starts the meeting while Sharon seems to be in rapt attention on the display in the middle of the table. Only slight tick in Sharon’s jaw shows she’s not as composed as she wants to be.

The meeting comes to an end, with Fury only a little suspicious about them. Fury’s coat whips around him as he leaves. When the door finally shuts, Maria exhales and rubs her aching head.

“Well this is cozy,” Natasha says, putting her feet on the table. “Any other secrets we should all be sharing?”


	10. A Legal Mess (N/M/ Pepper)

 

Regardless of how surprised Pepper may appear to be at Tony’s antics, they never leave her flummoxed. At least working for Tony has helped her recover her bearings in rapid time.

“ _Ms. Potts? I’m from legal.”_

Pepper’s hand stills on top of her keyboard. She turns her attention to the waiting woman in front of her desk. God she’s gorgeous! Long, curly red hair and such green eyes. There’s a patient but expectant look in them. Pepper chuckles and shakes her head. A few seconds later she clears her throat.

_“I’m sorry, I thought you were going to be a sexual harassment case.”_

The air shifts around the woman from legal. The smile drops into a stoic expression for a split second before her lips quirk back up into a grin.

“Well, we might still have one on our hands. Natalie Rushman,” she extends her hand out to shake Pepper’s.

“This is rather unexpected, have a seat,” Pepper points to the chairs in front of her desk.

Natasha hovers and doesn’t sit down. “I hate to cut this short Ms. Potts but I believe your assistant told us Mr. Stark was on a tight schedule and these documents need to be approved before the end of the day.”

Pepper blinks, shaking her off her disappointment. “You’re right, of course. I just…right.” Pepper takes a second to compose herself and walks out of her office, Natasha keeping in step. “Are you free tonight Ms. Rushman?”

“I can be.”

“I don’t’ want you to feel compelled to have dinner with me, I’d like to get to know you Ms. Rushman, given that we’re –“

“Of course Ms. Potts, I’d like that as well. I do believe it’s best to keep our…situation under wraps for a bit. Please.”

Pepper smiles politely and nods once. Her steps falter before reaching the gym. She turns towards Natasha and hesitates, opening her mouth a few times but no words come out.

“Ms. Potts?”

“Do you…nevermind.”

Pepper spins on her heel and stalks away from a confused Natasha.

-

 “Hill.”

Natasha sighs and holds her cell phone tighter. “Maria we have a problem.”

“What’s wrong?”

There’s the worry Natasha didn’t want to hear. She counts to 3 and exhales.

“Pepper Potts, she…she said my mark.”

“Shit,” Maria hisses. “Hold on.”

Presumably Maria goes into her office and places them under privacy mode. It’s that type of conversation.

“Secured?”

“Yes, what? Are you sure?”

“Of course I’m sure!”

“I’m sorry, I just…does she have a second?”

“She didn’t say.”

“Did you?”

Natasha kicks at the ground. “Am I even allowed?”

“Natasha…”

“I’m asking.”

“I don’t know, this is unprecedented. We’ve never had this happen.”

“I know what unprecedented means Hill. And as you recall this did kind of happen, to us.”

“That was different. I knew who you were and you knew who I was.”

Natasha grits her teeth. “I don’t want to lie to her.”

“I know.”

“Do you? She’s mine but what if she’s not yours?”

“Then we’ll deal with that when the time comes. Do you need me there?”

She does. Natasha Romanoff needs Maria Hill there, with her right now, but the Black Widow can’t afford that. Not yet.

“No. Stark just hired me as his PA, we’re going to Italy. He did it behind Potts’s back.”

Maria chuckles. “Wonderful start Natasha.”

“At least she won’t stay mad for long.”

“I don’t know about that Nat.”

Natasha smiles at the nickname. “You didn’t, must be my amazing smile.”

“And amazing body?”

“You can’t say that when you’re over a thousand miles away.”

“You weren’t complaining last night.”

“No, and I wouldn’t complain about it tonight either, except I have a flight to catch.”

“Natasha,” Maria’s voice is serious again. “Tell her whatever you need to, I trust your judgment.”

“If I wanted to tell her everything? Even about you?”

“Then you tell her everything and I’ll be out on the next quinjet to wherever you both are. If you want me there.”

“I’ll let you know. Thank you.”

“Anytime.”

“Maria?”

“Yes?”

“This doesn’t change anything, between us. You know that right?”

“I know.”

Natasha thumbstomps end call on her phone and flops down on her hotel bed. It does change things, they both know that. She sheds her robe and stands in front of the full length mirror, tracing Maria’s mark on the front of her thigh. Swallowing the lump in her throat, Natasha follows the end of Maria’s mark to the start of Pepper’s. Prim, neat, sharp handwriting, contrasting with Maria’s scrawl.

-

“Is there anything else Ms. Potts?”

“Pepper, please. You’re off the clock now.”

Pepper sits back against the white leather sofa with a glass of wine in hand. The picture perfect CEO resting after a long day.

“I thought Personal Assistants were never off the clock.”

“You are now,” Pepper pats the seat next to her.

Natasha puts her tablet down onto the coffee table and sits. She’s at a professional distance, her back straight and body posture not relaxed. Pepper pours her a glass of wine, which Natasha accepts but does not drink from.

“How are you doing Natalie?”

“Nat. Call me Nat off hours.”

“Nat,” Pepper rolls the name around her mouth. It fits, better than Natalie and much better than Ms. Rushman.

“Mr. Stark’s belongings have been collected –“

“Please, Nat, I don’t want to talk about work right now.”

Natasha blinks and sets her wine on the table. She angles her body towards Pepper and looks at her through her lashes. “What would you like to talk about Pepper?”

Pepper swallows and keeps her wine in front of her, a buffer of sorts before she does something she’d regret. “I…” she gulps again, her body betraying her brain at Natasha’s gaze. “I want to get to know you.”

Her smile slips a fraction, enough for Pepper to be worried. Natasha shakes her head. “You don’t want to know.”

Pepper opens her mouth to protest but Natasha holds a hand up. Stop. Wait.

“I haven’t been honest with you Pepper.”

“Nobody is ever honest, I’ve been in business for a very long time Nat.”

“There are things I’m not allowed to speak freely about,” Natasha pushes on.

“Are you here to hurt Tony? Me?”

“No.”

“Then it doesn’t matter,” Pepper definitively states, her eyes showing no argument.

Natasha tilts her head, surveying Pepper. “It should matter. I’m lying to you.”

“I trust you.”

Natasha grits her teeth, her stare turning hard. “You shouldn’t base your opinion of me on our status.”

“I’m not.”

“You are.”

Pepper smiles and takes Natasha’s hand in her own, ignoring the questioning look. “Maybe a little, but you’ll tell me. Eventually?”

“Yes.”

“Then that’s all I need.”

-

“SHIELD agent huh?” Pepper takes in Natasha’s field suit uniform in her penthouse. “I should’ve known.”

“Probably,” Natasha shrugs.

“I’m guessing Natalie Rushman is not your real name.”

“Natasha Romanoff, codename Black Widow.”

Pepper nods and uncrosses her arms. “Somehow that suits you more. Happy is terrified of you now by the way.”

Natasha smirks, it comes across far more dangerously and sultry than when she had been Natalie Rushman. “He should’ve learned that the first time I took him down.”

“He can be a little slow.” Pepper’s hand hovers over an expensive bottle of red wine, thinks better of it and goes for the scotch instead. “Would you like one?”

“Neat and one straight up.”

Pepper prepares both and another for herself. “Are we expecting more company?”

“I said I’d tell you the truth, I’m not the only one that needs to.”

“Who?”

Of course SHIELD agents somehow have perfect timing, the door that should be heavily encrypted and secured is open and in strolls a brunette, her gait strong and sure striding towards them. Pepper notices Natasha’s body relax and open when she’s near the other woman, she can’t help a slight sting of jealousy that she isn’t the one who’s able to do that.

“Pepper this is Deputy Director Maria Hill,” Natasha introduces.

Pepper’s mouth hangs open. The only high level agent she’s met is Phil and he’s only a senior level agent.

“ _Deputy Director? Wow. I mean hi, it’s nice to meet you.”_

Maria smiles and Pepper melts just a bit more. “ _Likewise._ ”

“Oh,” Pepper says, surprised again.

“Really Maria?” Natasha elbows her in the ribs.

“What?” Maria rubs her sore torso. “What else did you want me to say?”

“Anything better than ‘Likewise’.”

Maria rolls her eyes, “I can’t take it back now.”

“No it’s okay,” Pepper interrupts their banter. “This is good. So the three of us? Right? This is why you couldn’t tell me everything?”

“Yes,” Natasha nods. “I had to be sure. Maria’s…well she was the reason I’m not running away from SHIELD.”

“Don’t give me that much credit,” Maria says to Natasha and turns her attention to Pepper. “She was already running away from the KGB and so happened to cross my path. Or well sought my path I suppose.”

Natasha slides the tumbler of scotch to Maria, draining her own in a single gulp. “You know, I’m soul mates with the two most powerful women in the world. We can probably actually take over the world.”

“I think I should be the one saying that,” Pepper says, eyeing the two SHIELD agents. “You’re the Black Widow, that sounds pretty darn dangerous and you’re second—“

“First,” Natasha says. Maria rolls her eyes and sips her drink.

“What?” Pepper blinks.

“You were going to say second in command. She’s first.”

“But I thought Fury was the Director.”

Natasha winks over the rim of her glass. “You should know who really runs the show Pepper, you’ve been doing it for years under Stark’s name.”

Pepper’s eyes widen and look to Maria for confirmation who only gives her a sly grin in response. Rule the world indeed.


	11. Triggered (N/M)

 

Natalia Romanova stretches her legs in the quinjet with Barton staring at her across the passenger seats. She leans her head back until it hits the back cushion. Closing her eyes, Natalia feigns sleep, counting down the minutes to arrival.

“Tired?” Barton teases.

She exhales and rolls her shoulders. “Bored.”

“Well, I did ask if you wanted to play ‘I Spy’.”

Natalia sits up and raises an eyebrow at him, is he for real?

“I spy with my little eye,” he grins and tilts his head down, “a naughty assassin trying to pick her handcuffs.”

She raises her hands and the handcuffs drop into her lap.

Barton laughs then and nods his head in approval. “You’re good.”

Natalia quirks her head, a smile gracing her lips. She keeps the position until Barton stops laughing and goes back to checking his arrows. SHIELD better not be full of people like him, she’d sooner shoot them all than join them if they were.

-

The first thing Natalia notices is that they’re not on the ground or the sea, they’re in the air. Looks like the Helicarrier plans she stole a few years ago is in full effect. The hangar doors shut and all personnel are on full alert. Such a big reaction just for her. At least they’re not idiots, Natalia notes. The ramp lowers and she’s greeted with 10 armed agents with their rifles pointed at her, plus 5 snipers in the rafters.

Barton steps off behind her. “Quite a welcome wagon you got here Commander Hill.”

Natalia sees Hill striding towards them, two agents in suits behind her. SHIELD’s second in command. Her hairs grown out from the last time she’s seen Hill’s security footage picture. It’s now long enough to be tied into a utilitarian bun. The pixie cut was flattering before, though any haircut would look good on that face.

Hill stands with her arms to her sides, her hand grazing the gun in her thigh holster. She scans Natalia with narrowed eyes. Satisfied, she says, “ _Looks like a bird caught us a spider_.”

Natalia’s eyes widen in complete shock, her body goes rigid and for the last second of consciousness, she drops the knife hidden in her sleeve Barton missed instead of embedding it between Hill’s eyes like her brain is telling her to.

Diving to the side as the agents open fire, Natalia dodges the bullets with amazing precision, only a few graze her uniform. She grabs Barton as cover, only shoving him to the side when she reaches her target. Unluckily for her, Hill pulls her arm back and hits Natalia with a strong right hook.

-

Natalia wakes up with the annoying beeping noise of what she assumes is her heart rate. She takes a few moments feigning sleep. Infirmary, SHIELD, hands and feet are tied and her jaw is aching – most likely bruised if not fractured.

“I know you’re awake.”

She opens her eyes and turns towards the voice. Hill, standing off to the side of her bed with crossed arms. No injuries. Natalia exhales in relief.

“ _I’m sorry I tried to kill you_.”

Hill sighs and her hand hovers over the blanket covering Natalia’s stomach. “May I?”

“You haven’t seen it yet?”

“The doctors told me and only a handful of people know at this point. I was only 90% sure until you said it too.”

Natalia nods her consent and Hill carefully peels back the blanket and pulls aside the flimsy hospital gown. Her messy cursive marks Natalia’s ribs. Hill puts the blanket back on Natalia, she sighs and rubs her fingers together.

“We’re going to have to deprogram you.”

“I know,” Natalia answers, the corners of her lips tugging into a smile. “Will you be there?”

“Yes.”

Natalia bites her lip. “Can I see?”

Hill lowers the zipper of her field suit, ignoring Natalia’s now lecherous grin. She shrugs her sleeve off, the inside of her bicep with Natalia’s mark. Natalia lifts her hand, the cuffs restraining them after an inch off the bed, she drops it then. Hill lets Natalia peruse for a few moments longer, zipping her field suit back up after.

“This isn’t going to be easy,” Hill says.

“I know what deprogramming entails Hill.”

“I’m not only talking about that Romanova.”

Natalia blinks and stares at Hill’s stern face. “Nothing worth it is ever easy.”

Hill raises an eyebrow. “Did you get that off a movie?”

“Probably, or maybe a book. The point still stands. I’m ready. I want this, do you?”

“Not all soul mates are compatible,” Hill points out.

“I know. Isn’t it worth a shot to try?”

“You don’t strike me as someone who actually believes in this pre-destined shtick.”

“The Red Room was scared of you, of who you were going to be for me, hence the trigger phrase. Makes me want to get to know the person who they thought would be my undoing.”

“So just curiosity for you?”

Natalia licks her dry lips and puts on a charming smile. “That. Plus you’re hot.”

Hill slips her hand under Natalia’s gown and holds it on top of her mark. Natalia’s smile dies away and her skin hums comfortably where Hill is touching her.

“You’re lucky I don’t hit bedridden patients,” Hill swipes her thumb across the writing.

She swallows and holds her body still, even though it’s screaming at her to arch into the touch. The teasing glint in Hill’s eyes tells her she knows exactly what’s happening.

“You’re going to be a pain in my ass aren’t you, Romanova? Lucky for you, I like a challenge.”

Hill racks her blunt nails down her skin before slipping her hand away. Natalia’s eyes close at the sensation and a whimper escapes her throat. Unfortunately for Hill, Natalia doesn’t back away from challenges either.


	12. Quadrumvirate (N/M/ Skye/Jemma)

There are very rare instances of a quadruple soul bond; it just so happens that SHIELD has four agents who have four soul marks.

-

“I should come with you,” Natasha says, walking alongside Maria in the not-so-super-secret new SHIELD base.

“You are not going to taser Coulson. Again.”

“He deserved it.”

“Nonetheless, I’m going in alone Romanoff.”

Maria stops at the bottom of the stairs and looks around the tiny hub of SHIELD. She points to the doors behind Natasha. “Go find something to do.”

Natasha salutes her. “Fine, but if Coulson happens to step into traps it’s not my fault.”

“I hear nothing Romanoff.”

Maria ascends the stairs with Natasha looking appreciatively at her hips swaying, maybe a bit more to her benefit. She leans against the rail, taking in the agents. Some she recognizes but most are new. Those that do know her give her a respectful nod, the newbies don’t seem to know who she is and are busy trying not to gawk outright at her. She’ll have them all sorted soon and if she didn’t, May would. Speaking of May, Natasha steps out the room, maybe May will have some good ideas and she’ll direct her to Coulson’s room without Natasha having to interrogate or hack into it.

May’s apparently in the training room, sparring with a young woman who’s decent. Give her another six months with May and she’ll be fine, Natasha notes. Natasha stands off to the side, observing, she could show the newbie a thing or two May’s not so inclined to teach her. Dirty tactics May once said, but it’s about survival and with the world as it is, it’s needed. A few more rounds where the newbie hits the mat hard and May’s got her attention towards Natasha, she gives her a nod.

“Agent Romanoff,” May says standing beside her with a towel. “Wasn’t expecting you.”

“Yes you were.”

“Wasn’t expecting you here. Wasn’t Coulson who banned you, so Maria said no.”

Natasha hums in response, of course May’s already got it all figured out. “She just said I couldn’t tase him.”

May’s lips twitch, almost forming into a smirk. “How much time do we have?”

“I’d say another half hour before Maria finds me.”

“Then we need a better hacker.”

Natasha raises an eyebrow. “Better hacker?”

“Someone who’s had the experience of hacking into our mainframe, multiple times a day, because she was bored. Should take less than a minute. Skye!”

The newbie, or well Skye now, limps towards them. She eyes Natasha up and down and turns towards May, confused.

“You didn’t call me over here to get beat up again did you?”

“Skye, this is Agent Romanoff.”

Skye perks up and tries to not look so pathetic, it’s not working. “ _Holy shit, hi. You’re like my favorite  Avenger.”_

Natasha blinks and narrows her eyes at May, did she know about this? May’s face doesn’t reveal anything but there is a questioning glint in her eyes, one only a few trained spies can tell. Agent May does not know.

“ _I’m glad I am or else you’d be a terrible soul mate.”_

“W-What?” Skye’s jaw drops and she sways on her feet.

Natasha steadies her, an arm firmly gripping Skye’s bicep.

“Well, this is unexpected,” May pipes up next to them.

-

At the same time this revelation occurs, another one similar one is happening.

Maria Hill calmly walks out of Coulson’s office, the negotiations between SHIELD and Stark Industries managed to not come to another shouting match. Still though, being an Avenger’s wrangler is grating on Maria’s mental health. She just needs a nice cup of coffee before finding Natasha. Maria strides down the halls, knowing exactly where she needs to be going and which turns to take. She had been the only other person besides Fury who was privy to the floor plans of this base, and her memory is just as good as Steve’s.

She even knows where the good coffee machine is, though that last cup of coffee is being poured by a woman in a lab coat, Dr. Jemma Simmons by her nametag. Maria steps next to her and with her most threatening voice she says, “ _Leave the coffee and no one gets hurt.”_

Jemma squeaks and drops the steaming cup. Maria’s fast reflex catches it before it shatters on the ground, the coffee only sloshing a bit. Maria takes a sip, just as good as she thought it would be, but then the entire mug goes crashing to the ground when Jemma grabs her arm and tugs her out of the room.

“Agent, what are you doing?”

Maria lets herself get dragged, even though she’d normally put the offending person into a wristlock. This woman though isn’t a threat and Coulson would be so annoying if she incapacitates another one of his agents. They burst through the training room doors, Jemma zeroing in on the only other people in the room.

“Skye!” Jemma shouts, grinding to a stop in front of May, Skye and Natasha. “I’ve found our third!”

Skye looks from Jemma’s hand still holding Maria’s up to Maria’s face.

“ _What a coincidence, we found ours too.”_ Natasha says to Jemma.

 _“So that’s what you found!”_ Jemma responds.

Maria’s eyes widen, she’s seen those words before.

Jemma smiles weakly and waves with her fingers to Maria. “ _I probably should have mentioned that shouldn’t I?”_

 _“You’re also our soul mate?”_ Skye asks.

“ _Apparently so,”_ Maria answers.

Natasha looks around and sighs. “Stark’s going to give me so much crap.”

“Why?” Jemma asks.

She twirls her finger in a circle to the three of them. “You’re all brunettes.”

“Is that a complaint?” Maria wraps an arm around Natasha’s waist and pulls her close.

“Okay maybe I do have a thing for brunettes but Stark doesn’t have to know that.”

“This is a bit unprecedented isn’t it?” Jemma says, her eyes sparkling with curiosity. “Four soul bonds, four of us working for SHIELD. Have you met anyone with more than 3?”

“Oh no, her science just turned on,” Skye mumbles.

“It’s cute,” Natasha says with a grin.

“Thank you, oh…uh…I haven’t caught your name.”

“Natasha Romanoff.”

“Maria Hill.”

“And I’m Skye no-last-name on file.”

“Hold on,” Jemma puts her hand up. “Natasha Romanoff, the Black Widow? Maria Hill as in former Assistant Director Hill?”

“Isn’t it awesome?” Skye beams. “Though did not know about the assistant director part, shit, you two are way above our clearance level aren’t you?”

“I don’t work for SHIELD anymore,” Maria says. “And I’m glad right now.”

Skye tilts her head. “What why?”

“The paperwork is going to be massive. Have fun with it.”

“Really paperwork? Do we have to?” Skye pouts.

“Coulson’s going to have an aneurysm,” Natasha says. “And I didn’t even have to do anything. Oh can I tell him?”

Maria fixes her with a glare. “No. And I’m pretty sure May’s already informed him.”

“What?” Skye turns and May is not next to her. “She was just here!”

Natasha shrugs. “Actually she hasn’t been for a while and the room is on lockdown.”

“Why would she do that?” Jemma mumbles mostly to herself.

“Oh Jemma,” Natasha takes a step towards her and places a hand under Jemma’s jaw, tilting her chin up. “She knows the probability of what’s going to happen and the odds are in my favor.”

Skye gawks as Natasha kisses Jemma.

Maria chuckles and turns to Skye who’s jaw is practically unhinged. She taps it back closed and steps closer to Skye. “Jealous?”

“No,” Skye mumbles. Her eyes are not even blinking. “I mean maybe a little, but they’re really hot.”

 Skye shakes her head furiously and pulls her attention to Maria. She licks her lips and smirks. “So…we should totally kiss right?”

Maria rolls her eyes, great, two smartasses in the relationship. She won’t mind at all knocking Skye down a few pegs just as she does with Natasha.


	13. Otherworldly (N/M/Sif)

The number of incidents that completely shock Natasha Romanoff can be counted on one hand. The first is the fact that she is capable of having a soul mate. The second is a SHIELD agent was naïve enough to recruit her instead of killing her, though that turned out for the best. The third is that she has a second soul mate, a mutual one at that.

And the fourth?

_“Lady Widow, it is my honour to finally meet you.”_

Natasha cocks her head to the side and studies Lady Sif who’s earnest smile rival’s even Thor’s puppy dog one. She sets down her mug of coffee in the communal floor of Avenger’s Tower.

Thor’s looking at both women, eager grin and patience. He’s waiting.

Natasha spins on her heels and walks out, catching Sif’s confused question to Thor. “Have I said something wrong?”

No. Not anything wrong, Natasha thinks, just not something she expects.

The fine Asgardian script burns on her inner bicep, psychological? Most likely. She curses herself for dropping her guard around her teammates. Thor’s seen the writing, he hadn’t commented but the gleam in his eyes in the training room when she’d been sparring in a tank top with Steve is all the proof she needs. That bastard knew.

Natasha brushes off Pepper’s newest assistant and bursts into her office, her eyes zero in on Maria raising an unimpressed eyebrow at her rudeness.

“I’m sorry Ms. Potts,” Pepper’s assistant hurries to apologize.

“It’s okay Crystal, please close the door.”

Crystal throws a nasty look at Natasha and shuts the door behind her as she leaves, but Natasha isn’t even paying attention.

Maria stands up already halfway to her when she asks, “What’s happened?”

Natasha blinks, forcing her stiff body to relax, it only works partially. “There’s a situation, I need you. Now.”

“Is everyone okay?” Pepper asks from her desk, a worried frown on her face.

“Everyone’s fine and safe Pepper. I just need to talk with Maria,” Natasha insists.

Maria turns to Pepper but she’s already nodding and waving the pair off.

“I’ll have Crystal block off the rest of the day.”

“Thank you,” Maria says with a grateful smile.

Natasha grabs the crook of Maria’s elbow and tugs her out, it’s not helping Maria’s rising anxiety though, Natasha can see the concern in her eyes.

“Security protocols,” Maria commands once they’re in her office. The windows darken and all outside communications are cut off. “What’s wrong?”

“Our second soul mate is Sif,” Natasha says, “Thor brought her today, I’m positive he already knew though.”

Maria chews on her lip. “Sif.”

Nodding, Natasha walks to the couch on the side of the room and sits, Maria following a few seconds later.

“So the translation was right?” Maria asks.

“Close enough for me to know.”

“You didn’t confirm it?”

Natasha looks away, abashed.

“She doesn’t know does she?” Maria states more asks.

“I wanted to tell you before you get bombarded. Fury’s not going to like this.”

Maria rubs the space between her eyebrows. “Well we’re not SHIELD anymore are we? But no, he won’t like this. How is this even going to work? We’re literally from different worlds.”

“If Jane can make it work, I think we can.”

“Jane’s well-adjusted Natasha.”

“Exactly, we’re more adaptable than a normal person.”

“And Thor knew didn’t he?” Maria asks. “He’d been giving us strange looks for a while.”

“Yes, I’m positive he knew.” Natasha shakes her head, her shoulders a lot lighter than before. “Okay, now we have an Asgardian to corrupt.”

Maria’s office phone goes off and she goes on high alert, only emergency calls allowed during Security Protocols.

“This is Hill,” she says into the phone.

“Ms. Hill,” her assistant stutters. “There’s a ….uh… woman in armor and sword who’s requesting entrance to your office. Mr. Stark and Thor let her in.”

“Okay, let her know it’ll be a minute.”

She hangs up the phone and smiles at Natasha. “Looks like she found us instead. Deactivate Security Protocols.”

Natasha hops up on Maria’s desk, her legs swinging back and forth like a child’s, a perfect rendition of nonchalance and boredom masking her anticipation and anxiety. Maria places a hand on her knee and squeezes, a comforting gesture, one Natasha reciprocates by patting that hand on her.

Sif comes in, her presence looming into the already spacious room. She looks at the two of them and at the proximity scantly present on them. Nodding her head, Sif says, “ _I apologize for the intrusion but I believe you two to be my Intended.”_

_“If we are your Intended, we call them soul mates here, then intrude away,”_ Maria says.

The grin on Sif’s face really does surpass Thor’s now, are all Asgardian’s part puppy dog? She takes a few steps, really only a few, to be right in front of Maria and Natasha. Her hand hovers over the armor on her forearm and it slides away, much like the Iron Man suit, and on her arm in bright blue ink is Maria’s handwriting.

“Lady Darcy translated it for me,” Sif says. “It is indeed your mark is it not Lady Hill?”

“It’s my handwriting and please, call me Maria, we don’t use Lady much in our language.”

“Maria,” Sif says, letting the name roll around her tongue. “That is a fine name.” She turns toward Natasha, bowing slightly. “I apologize if I had offended you earlier my Lady, I had not known until Thor professed that you had my writing upon your arm. I do not aim to interrupt the relationship you both already have, but it is my honour to have such fine warriors as kindred spirits, if you’ll let me.”

Natasha tilts her head, surveying Sif and the corners of her mouth turns up. “ _I can climb you too!”_ she remarks, earning a groan from Maria.

Sif nods and shows Natasha’s mark on her other arm. “Lady Darcy was in much delight to read that one. May I see yours?”

Natasha rolls up her sleeve, baring Sif’s mark while Maria untucks her shirt and turns around, the script spanning from her shoulder to her hip.

Suddenly, Sif kneels before them and hits her closed fist onto her own shoulder. “Will you give me the honour of courting you both?”

Natasha and Maria blink and look at one another, then down at Sif’s pleading eyes.

Maria gets her bearings first, “Courting?”

“It is the way of my people,” Sif answers.

Natasha shares a look with Maria and shrugs her shoulders, weird Asgardian rituals but hey Jane and Thor are still together can’t be all bad right?

“Yea, sure,” Natasha answers for them.


	14. Sweet as Cake (N/M/ Darcy)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Character is actually from 2 Broke Girls which the actress who plays Darcy also plays.

 

“Why exactly are we going to this diner?” Maria crosses her arms and eyes the dingy, stereotypical diner in front of her.

“Clint says the cupcakes are amazing,” Natasha shrugs.

Maria raises an eyebrow. “And?”

“The waitress is hot, apparently.”

“There are a lot of hot waitresses Natasha. And more specifically we could go to a bakery if –“

“Come on.” Natasha pulls Maria by the crook of her elbow.

Maria gives up and follows, settling into a booth that’s seen better days, probably a relic from the 80s. She takes the menu already on the table. “Are we getting food too or just oogling said waitress and eating cupcakes?”

“Last two,” Natasha says, putting her menu down and folding her hands neatly on top of it. She points her chin towards the waitress busy at another table.

“Okay, impressive, snarky, cute, I’ll give you that,” Maria lists off.

The waitress, or Darcy according to her nametag, now noticing them makes her way over, her pen tapping impatiently on the notepad. Maria and Natasha openly stare at her, mostly the zipper on her flimsy uniform that’s straining to go down. “ _I know I have amazing breasts, but the only thing you two are going to eat are my cupcakes, so what’ll it be?”_

Natasha snaps out of it first, the corners of her mouth tilting into a smile. “ _You sure we’re only going to be eating cupcakes?”_

Dropping the pen, Darcy gapes at them both. “What?!”

“ _I am so sorry, sometimes she can be so crass_.”

“Holy shit, you too?!”

“Hi,” Natasha waves with her fingers.

“Oh my God, no way, you two are like insanely hot.”

“Thank you,” Maria tilts her head. “You have no idea how many bakeries we went to and we find you in a diner.”

“Well the only reason why I’m even baking is cause of you,” Darcy points to Natasha. “Kind of trying to open up my own bakery, damn it, I did not want to meet you both wearing this.”

Natasha nods solemnly. “Mustard yellow does not suit you, Darcy.”

“How do you know my name?”

“Name tag.”

“Right, and you are?”

“Natasha.”

“Maria.”

A bell goes off at the window of the kitchen, “Order up!” the cook says through it.

“Don’t you have to…” Natasha points vaguely at the diner.

“Screw that, I just met my soul mates! Caroline and Han can take it from here,” Darcy says. “Earl, I’m taking off!”

The older black man at the register with an impressive sense of style calls back, “You gonna leave Caroline here? Alone?”

Darcy drags Maria and Natasha to the register and puts her arms around their shoulders, but tip toes to reach Marias. “Earl my man, meet my two awesome soul mates.”

“Both of them?” Early whistles. “Someone up there loves you Darcy.”

“Pfft, someone better for the crappiness of everything else, so, taking off now, tell you all the details later Earl.” Darcy maneuvers them all out the door. She turns her head towards Earl before leaving, “Don’t tell Caroline, I want to see her face when she finds out!”

Early puts his finger to his mouth and does a zipping motion. Mouth is sealed.

Out on the street, Darcy walks backwards, looking at her two soul mates. “So, you know I’m a waitress at a shitty diner and looking at your expensive shirt and bitching shoes, guessing you don’t work minimum wage?”

Maria and Natasha share a look. Sighing, Maria asks, “You don’t watch the news do you?”

“Uhh…not really? Why, you a politician or something? Oh please don’t tell me you work in business, the Channing’s didn’t scam you did they? Going to be a bit awkward if they did.”

“I’m not a politician,” Maria says, her mouth screwing up in distaste. “You’re not related to the Channing’s.”

“How would you know I’m not some ex-billionaire heiress?”

Natasha wraps her arm around Darcy’s waist and pulls her close, her mouth barely touching the shell of Darcy’s ear. “You really don’t want to know how Maria can deduce.”

“Deduce?” Darcy squirms a bit at Natasha’s proximity. “This isn’t some Sherlock bullshit is it?”

“Trust me, that fictional character has nothing on us,” Maria goes to Darcy’s free side and swipes her hair back.

“Okay, uh wow. We should totally take this somewhere a lot less public and with more bed,” Darcy nearly moans. “My place is four blocks away. If we run could probably take less than 10 minutes.”

“Make that two minutes,” Natasha pulls out her car keys and the car next to them beeps open.

“Holy shit! If you’re trying to impress me, I am so impressed and hot. Fuck what car is this?” Darcy runs her hands along the sleek grey sports car.

“Corvette,” Natasha answers.

“Are you rich?” Darcy asks, eyes still darting to the car and to Natasha leaning against it.

“I wouldn’t say that, more like I have friends who have an affinity for nice toys. But this one is mine, plus Maria looks amazing spread—“

“Stop it Romanoff,” Maria puts her hand over Natasha’s mouth.

“Oh no please continue,” Darcy licks her lips.

“Great, two smartasses,” Maria sighs. She opens the passenger door and sits inside while Natasha goes into the drivers.

“Uhh…I count two seats, how’s this going to work?”

Maria points to her lap, “Climb on.”

“Fuck…” Darcy mutters under her breath and does as she’s told. “You two are going to kill me.”

Natasha revs the engine and pulls out of the curb in record speed. “Not in the literally sense Darcy, but yes, we will be killing you with sex.”

“Whoa, straight to the point, I like that.”

-

Natasha stands in the kitchen, throwing a carrot at the horse poking his head in. She taps her nails against the counter, the coffee machine still dripping, barely a cup in the pot. She pulls at the bottom of the t-shirt, barely covering her thighs, one Darcy had on the floor. Her hands immediately go to the knife on the table when the front door slams open.

“Darcy Lewis, you better have a good explanation on why you ditched me…uh…hi, who are you?”

Quirking an eyebrow, Natasha surveys the intruder, blonde, dressed in the horrible mustard yellow waitress uniform. Caroline Channing. But one can never be too careful in her line of work.

“Hi,” Natasha greets.

“Where’s Darcy?” Caroline crosses her arms over her chest, trying to look intimidating.

“Last I checked, still passed out in her room.”

“Okay then,” Caroline nods and heads towards the room.

“I wouldn’t go in there yet,” Natasha says, pouring herself a cup of coffee. Her nose wrinkles at the taste. Next chance she gets, she’s buying Darcy a new coffeepot and new coffee beans.

“Why not? Don’t worry, I’m her roommate, I doubt there are things I haven’t seen yet.”

“Hmm…” Maria says from the doorway, she shuts the door with her foot and comes to Natasha’s side, taking a sip of the offered mug.

“Okay, there are things I might not have been privy to,” Caroline mumbles.

Natasha slides her hand under Maria’s half buttoned up shirt, finding no resistance. Good, no undergarments.

“Have we met?” Caroline asks, focusing on Maria’s face then to Natasha’s. “You two look familiar.”

“No your father did not scam us, don’t worry,” Maria answers.

“Oh, that’s …good to know.”

The door opens once more and Darcy strolls in, looking like the cat ate the canary, her hair still sex-tousled and eyes glassy. She snuggles into Maria’s side, breathing in deeply. “I wanted more cuddles you know.”

“Heard noises,” Maria threads her fingers through Darcy’s hair.

“Okay whoa, back up, Darcy?” Caroline asks, her voice even higher.

“Oh hey Caroline,” Darcy finally sees her roommate standing there. “Meet my two soulmates, Maria and Natasha.”

“Two? Soulmates? When did this happen?”

Natasha checks her phone. “About four hours ago.”

“Four hours…” Caroline does the math. It clicks. “Four hours ago when you ditched me to work alone? You could’ve just told me!”

“But this is so much funner!” Darcy laughs. “Seriously, sorry. But was kind of preoccupied, have you seen my soul mates? How can you not want to jump them?”

“Straight,” Caroline points to herself. “Thought you were too, but obviously not.”

“No labels on me princess.”

“Ok,” Caroline’s eyebrows wrinkle. “Maria and Natasha? Why is that so familiar…Oh…oh…holy shit.”

“What?” Darcy asks.

“You don’t know?!”

“Know what?”

“Do you not watch c-span?”

“Does it look like I do?”

Caroline backs up a bit and gulps. “I…okay. That’s the Black Widow and that’s the Director of SHIELD!”

“Not anymore, and I was Assistant Director,” Maria shrugs her shoulders. “I work at Stark Industries now.”

“No comment,” Natasha says, dumping the coffee into the sink.

“Hold up,” Darcy pulls away and looks at her soul mates. “SHIELD? That crazy spy organization? Crazy suits that took my iPod?”

“How have you tangled with SHIELD?” Maria asks.

“I interned for Jane Foster, but kind of needed to make some money so working at a diner now, Jane still needs my help from time to time, but she’s in London and I couldn’t go with. Coulson took my iPod and never returned it.”

“Huh. I’ll have him buy you a new one,” Natasha says, taking one of Darcy’s cupcakes and biting into it.

“Awesome,” Darcy goes in between her soul mates and pulls them close.

“Darcy…” Caroline says from across the room. “Did you not hear the part where they’re…spies?”

“And? That’s super hot. Can we roleplay? One of you has got to have handcuffs.”

Natasha and Maria both raise their eyebrows at this and share a look, communicating without words.

“We do,” Maria answers.

“Cool, not on you though?”

“Not at the moment,” Natasha says. “But I will take that into consideration.”


	15. Language <College AU> (N/M)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s time for a college AU, don’t you think?

 

Ever since Maria got the chance to read and understand her soul mark, it’s puzzled her. It’s not in English and luckily her elementary school teacher pointed her in the right direction, Russian. Except schools in America didn’t offer that as a second language. So Maria studied on her own, writing in Cyrillic all over her notebooks and butchering the pronunciation.

Now that she’s in University, Russian is offered and she can formally learn the language. The first chance she can get, she’s going to study abroad there too, but for now, she’ll hone the language her soul mate apparently speaks.

Except she meets her soul mate on move in day.

“ _привет_.” (Hello.)

Maria stops midway unpacking her suitcase on the twin bed and turns around to see who she assumes is her roommate and now soulmate. The redhead puts her duffel bag on the unoccupied bed and cracks her neck.

“ _I learned Russian for you and you speak perfect English don’t you?”_

“Natasha,” she introduces herself, sitting on Maria’s bed instead of her own now. “And yes, my English is perfect.”

“Maria,” she sticks out her hand to shake but retracts it when Natasha only stares at her hand.

Natasha licks her lips and looks up at Maria through her eyelashes, it’s no doubt what’s going through her head with that lusty stare. “Given that we’re soul mates…” Natasha scoots closer and pulls Maria closer by the hips.

Maria chuckles and puts her hands on Natasha’s shoulders, stopping her but not pulling back. “We just met.”

“Uh huh,” Natasha nods and slips her arms around Maria’s waist, holding her close.

“We should date first,” says Maria, a bit weakly.

“Or, we could skip that part and go to the really nice bits. Preferably with you screaming my name.”

“Are you always this forward?”

“Not at all,” Natasha leans back on her elbows. “But I did move to America for you.”

“I could’ve been British or Australian or Canadian.”

“I had a feeling you’d be American.”

Maria raises an eyebrow but lets it slide. “Dinner?” She holds up her hand at Natasha’s lecherous grin. “Real food. Going out to a restaurant.”

“Fine,” Natasha huffs and jumps up, taking Maria’s hand in hers and walking out their room.

“Whoa, it’s not even 4 yet!”

“We’ll eat a very early dinner so I can ravish you all night!”

Maria rolls her eyes outwardly but doesn’t disagree with that logic.  


	16. Clothes Stealer (N/M/ Skye/Jemma)

Best night of sleep. Ever.

Skye stretches in the huge king size bed and snuggles deeper into the Egyptian cotton 1000 thread count sheets. She reaches over, all the way to the other side of the bed and frowns. Opening her eyes, she sees that she’s all alone. No girlfriend in sight. Must be in the lab. Seriously, everywhere they go if there’s a lab Jemma disappears before she wakes up to the lab.

For once she’s glad Coulson ordered them to take some much needed rest and recovery, at Avenger’s Tower! Maybe she’ll meet all the Avengers today, unless they’re off saving the world. Superheroes need help right? She could totally help. After fangirling.

Throwing the warm duvet off, Skye yawns and reaches over her head, the satisfying crack of her neck makes her sigh. She opens the door and right next to it is the promised clean laundry she dropped off into the chute last night. Taking the bag in, she separates her clothes and Jemma’s, sniffing at the wonderful scent of clean clothes. Skye frowns, re-checking the clothes.

Where’s her red plaid flannel shirt?

Skye goes back to the door, looks up and down the empty hallway. No shirt in sight. She throws on a pair of jeans and t-shirt, time to find out where the laundry bots are.

Along the way to the communal floor, Skye catches a glimpse of her shirt, on someone else. Someone is wearing her shirt. Her favorite shirt.

_“That’s my shirt clothes thief!”_

The clothes thief stops and turns towards Skye, eyebrow raised with an amused smile.

Uh oh.

Skye drops her hand pointing accusingly at the Black Widow.

The Black Widow.

The Black Widow stole her shirt.

_“You’re the reason she’s a thief,”_ another voice pipes up behind her. It’s Maria Hill, with crossed arms and a small smile.

Skye whirls around and chokes on air.

_“But it’s my favorite shirt!”_

_“Mine now.”_

Skye squeaks and clasps a hand on her mouth, the Black Widow is suddenly behind her, smug grin and all sexy in her shirt.

“I … hi,” Skye says, looking between her soul mates. She clears her throat.

“You’re Skye,” Maria says.

“Yep, and you’re Maria Hill and you’re Natasha Romanoff. Holy shit…”

“You okay?” Natasha asks, backing up a bit.

“I just…yea,” Skye blinks and shakes her head to clear her thoughts. “Have you two met the whole team yet?”

“We were going to convene for lunch,” Maria says, looking at her watch. “But circumstances have changed.”

“Hold on, we need to go to the lab first.”

“I thought you’re a Specialist,” Natasha quirks an eyebrow.

“Yea, but no time to waste, lab!” Skye takes their hands and pulls them towards the elevator.

“Do you even know where the labs are?” Maria asks. “Which lab?”

“There are multiple labs?”

“Of course, now which one?”

“Uhh…whichever Jane Foster is in.”

Tapping her feet impatiently as the elevator goes down, Skye blushes at the stares she feels from both sides. She chances a look at Natasha and drops her gaze. Damn those are some intense eyes. She looks over at Maria and damn it those are some pretty eyes. Skye blows out a breath and rubs at her flushed neck.

She marches out of the elevator, going through several security doors before she sees her girlfriend talking excitedly with her hands at another brunette in a lab coat. Jane Foster probably.

They pause mid-conversation when the lab doors open, all three women stepping in.

Jane smiles at them all and waves, “Hey, what’s going on?”

Jemma on the other hand, tilts her head in confusion and points to Natasha’s hand.

“ _Is that my tie?”_

Everyone zeroes in on the pale blue silk tie wound around Natasha’s wrist. Skye blinks. When did she take that too?

Natasha shrugs. “ _Mine now.”_

Jemma gapes like a fish and gives Skye a look of complete and utter shock.

_“You’re never getting that back either,”_ Maria says, shrugging her shoulders.

Blinking rapidly, Jemma sucks in a deep breath. She exhales and walks right in front of all of them, eyes glassy.

_“We’re complete_.”

A small crash jolts all of them from their tiny bubble. They all turn to Jane who’s picking up her now broken tablet.

“Sorry,” Jane fumbles. “But uhh…all of you out.”

“What?” Jemma asks.

Jane points to the exit and glares at Natasha. “I know what you’re thinking Natasha, now out.”

“What are you thinking?” Skye asks, puzzled.

Natasha’s face goes completely innocent, they’ll learn soon enough that it is in fact the opposite. She unwinds the tie from her wrist and puts it across Jemma’s neck, tugging her forward an inche.

“I was going to make Maria wear this,” Natasha points her chin towards Maria. “She looks very hot in a suit and tie.”

Maria sighs and shakes her head but smiles regardless. Skye checks Maria out, eyes going up and down very slowly; she nods her head in assent. Jemma on the other hand, swallows at the proximity of Natasha.

“But I think this will look even better tied on your wrists,” Natasha says, pulling Jemma backwards to the elevator with the tie.

“Oh!” Jemma squeaks.

“Wait, are we…” Skye gestures to the pair and looks questioningly at Maria.

“Only if you two want to,” Maria says, taking Skye’s hand.

“Hell yea!”

“OUT!” Jane shouts again, her face flushed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This foursome seems quite popular doesn’t it.


	17. Trigger Happy (N/M/ Darcy)

Darcy Lewis is most likely going to get killed today. She’s sure of it, because she just did the unthinkable. It’s not her fault she swears! And she’ll stick by her gun, or well taser.

It all starts with Stark being an asshole and locking her in the lab, accidentally he says, for her own protection he says. Sure there are robots attacking the tower, but she should totally go into a panic room or something right? Not at the lab where all the research is and where the bad guys would go for to steal things.

So Darcy arms herself with her taser and defends herself as much as possible. Screw it, she’s handing whatever Stark’s been working on to those bastards if they get to her. She’s not getting paid enough for this shit or at all! Free room and board does not mean take advantage of the intern slash assistant. But hey she’s not crazy, those blueprints are for a new really cool and tasty coffee machine that’s way better than Starbucks. But according to Stark anything is better than over roasted burnt coffee beans masked by sugar and cream. That’s beside the point though, back to why she’s going to die today.

Darcy has her trusty taser, she calls her McTasey. Get it? Like the McRib? Whatever. Anyways, she has her taser at the ready and stupid spies should have bells on them especially when they’re the good guys! She doesn’t expect the Black freaking Widow to bust into the lab and she just shoots. It’s an accident!

God she’s so going to die. Painfully. Probably with her own taser. McTasey is a traitor.

Darcy stops her self-flagellation when she hears the earpiece on Black Widow’s ear crackle and demand her status. She gulps. Here goes nothing.

She takes the earpiece and holds the Black Widow’s hand up to her mouth, Darcy’s seen the SHIELD agents talk into their sleeves and unless they’re weirdos, there’s a microphone in the sleeve of their right hand. She clears her throat, _“I may have tased Black Widow.”_

She hears a sigh.

_“Is she still conscious?”_

Darcy chokes on air and sputters. Shaking her head, Darcy taps the Black Widow’s forehead. No response. “Uhh…no, she’s not.”

“How many volts did you hit her with?”

She checks the taser and blanches. “Oh shit, it’s set to tase Thor.” Darcy scrambles and places her fingers on the neck of the Black Widow, an unbearable five seconds and she feels a solid thump against her fingers. “She’s alive, oh thank God.”

“She’s not going to be happy when she wakes up,” the voice says in her ear. “Who are you and how did you manage to tase Widow?”

“I’m Darcy Lewis and it was totally an accident! I didn’t know it was her and I just…shot her?”

“Well Ms. Lewis, when the lockdown is over and Widow wakes up, we’ll be having a talk about the proper firearms training.”

Darcy blinks for a few seconds. “God your serious voice is so sexy,” she says automatically. Her cheeks burn in embarrassment when the words finally catch up to her brain. “I didn’t –“

The laughter in her ear makes it so much worse, Darcy’s blush goes down to her chest.

“That’s not the first time I’ve heard that.”

“Oh?” Darcy hums. “Who else said that?” Goddamn it she just met, more accurately would be heard, her soul mate and the green jealousy monster is already roaring. Great.

“You’ll find out soon, in the meantime, Iron Man’s rounded up the robots and Rescue is finishing up the civilians. I’ll be at your location, ETA 5 minutes. Hill out.”

The line goes dead in her ear. Wait. Hill. Hill? As in Maria fucking Hill? Darcy squawks and clamps a hand over her mouth. Holy shit. Maria Hill is fucking HOT, she’s only really seen her around the tower in the distance, but shit she’s been following the news of course, Poli Sci major here. And damn she fell in love with those Goddess like cheek bones and jawline long before she’s even seen the woman walking around Avengers Tower. Darcy readjusts her skewed glasses and runs her fingers through her hair. She looks down at her worn sneakers, her white sock peeking out from the tear and groans. She’s even worn her comfortable but holey sweater since it was supposed to be an easy day.

She leans back against the table and pokes Widow in the arm, screaming when Widow pops up and twists her arm behind her back. She’s face down on the floor, a knee digging uncomfortably against her shoulder blade but at least she still has her arm.

 _“You tased me!”_ Widow hisses in her ear.

 _“It was an accident I swear!”_ answers Darcy.

The pressure on her back is lifted and Darcy sits up, rubbing at her shoulder and glaring at Widow. Then it hits her. Her jaw drops and she just stares at Widow who’s looking back at her with a tilt to her head.

“Uhh…are you also soul mates with Maria Hill?” Darcy asks.

Widow narrows her eyes. “That’s classified.”

“You like, unclassified everything, but soul mates were totally not in yours or her files.”

“You looked us up?”

“Duh, I looked up most badass women of SHIELD and you two were like the top two.”

“Hmm…why do you ask if she’s my soul mate?” Widow asks.

“Cause I just found out she’s my soul mate and you said my mark too. Been kind of looking for my two soul mates.”

“When did you find out?”

Darcy gives her a sheepish smile and rubs the back of her neck. “When you were unconscious, she was on your comm and I talked to her.”

The lab doors beep and open with a swoosh, Maria Hill entering with her gun raised and trained on Darcy. “Darcy Lewis?” she asks.

“Guilty.”

Maria takes a look towards Widow and only lowers her weapon when Widow nods. She gives Darcy a once over. “I’ve always wondered who could take down the Black Widow with a taser.”

“What a coincidence,” Darcy says, “I’ve always wondered who I’d tase. Actually had you figured for an asshole I had to take down.”

Widow glares at Darcy and takes a step closer to her and has Darcy backing up into the table. She holds out her hand. “Natasha Romanoff,” she introduces herself.

“Uhh…yea, Darcy Lewis,” she stammers, taking Natasha’s hand and shaking it. “But I kind of already knew that. Well unless that name’s fake but probably not then right?”

“I’ve grown attached to that name,” Natasha answers.

“Cool, well…what now?”

Natasha shares a look with Maria and grins.

Darcy swallows, shit, that grin is all hot but at the same time frightening.

“I think,” Maria says, sliding her hand down the arm of Darcy’s sweater to her hand, “we should get to know each other.”

“Like how? Are you two…you know together together? Or platonic? Cause I would totally be okay with platonic, but I’d rather you know be the non-platonic type.”

“Are you into women Darcy?” Natasha asks.

Darcy shrugs. “I don’t really care what’s in between someone’s legs or what’s on their chest.”

Natasha nods. “Good. Maria and I, are definitely not platonic. And we are more than ready to not be platonic with you too.”

“Cool,” Darcy’s voice cracks.

“Natasha,” Maria says in a low voice. “Give her time.” She turns to Darcy. “We can wait.”

“Oh no, definitely don’t have to!” Darcy grabs onto both their hands and tugs them out of the lab.

“Right,” Natasha says, pushing her floor in the elevator. “JARVIS, let Jane know Darcy won’t be in for the next week.”

“Of course Agent Romanoff, shall I tell her Ms. Lewis has found her soul mates?”

“Darcy?” Natasha asks.

“No way J, I want to see her face when she finds out,” Darcy says, sharing a sly grin with Natasha while Maria rolls her eyes.

“Excellent choice Ms. Lewis.”

“If Jane faints, it’s on you both,” Maria says.

“She won’t faint,” Natasha waves away her concern. “Maybe she’ll go catatonic, but definitely won’t faint.”

“Enough talk about Jane,” Darcy pulls them out of the elevator. “Bedroom?”

“Are you sure you don’t want to discuss this?” Maria asks.

“Later, sexy times await!”

“I like the way you think,” Natasha says.

“Oh fine,” Maria adds, she pulls off her blazer and starts to unbutton her shirt. “Sex first.”

“One sec,” Darcy says and traces Maria’s face with her hands. “Yup, cheekbones can definitely cut glass.”

Maria quirks an eyebrow. “What?”

“Nothing!” Darcy distracts them both by pulling off her sweater. She’s so glad she decided to not wear a shirt today.


	18. Aliases <HIMYM AU> (N/M)

MacLaren’s Pub and its’ surrounding areas are off limits.

Naturally, Natasha Romanoff strolls right into the pub with Clint hanging behind her, his eyes scanning for Coulson to suddenly pop out and whack his nose with a magazine. No clear danger and definitely no Coulson.

Natasha sits at the bar with Clint, ordering a scotch neat while he orders a White Russian, if she didn’t know any better she’d be offended, but Clint’s been ordering that drink at every single bar they ever go to. Together, they settle in the back booth, clear sight to the entrances and exits.

“Don’t know why this is banned,” Clint says sipping his drink. “It’s normal.”

Humming in response, Natasha leans back and reassess the bar, just like Clint said, completely normal, mundane, boring. Maybe Coulson’s just fucking with them.

“Ohh darts!” Clint says, pointing to the game.

“No.”

“Aww come on, bet we can hustle up a few hundred here.”

“Too group and single friendly here, not the type of people who’d bet against you Barton.”

Clint pouts and then he smirks, a brilliant idea coming to mind. “Unless some idiot decides to pick you up and we try to win you over with a game of darts.”

Natasha blinks. “What idiot would do that? Your arms would scare them off.”

“That idiot,” Clint discreetly gestures at a booth.

Seeing the reflection from the window to the bar mirror to another window, Natasha notices said idiot checking her out and mouthing bets at his friends. Her gaze though, strays to his companion. A woman: brunette, late 20s possibly early 30s with sharp jawlines and cheekbones sharp enough to cut her palms if she slapped them. The corner of Natasha’s lips turn up. Maybe not so boring after all.

“So what do you say?” Clint waggles his eyebrows. “I go to the bathroom, next thing we know we’re a few hundred bucks richer and loser over there won’t get laid tonight.”

Natasha ignores him and drinks her beer, he takes it as his chance and Clint goes to the bathroom, leaving her all alone in the big booth. True to his prediction, no more than a minute passes before sleazy loser sidles in front of her, his face full of panic.

“Could you pretend to be my girlfriend for 5 minutes?” he asks.

Natasha blinks. This is different. She quirks an eyebrow.

He leans closer, eyes darting back and forth. “My ex-girlfriend, or well ex-fiancée, she’s here with a new guy. She left me at the altar a week ago and I just…” he fake sobs and fake chokes on tears, “I just don’t want to look pathetic.”

“Hmm…who’s your ex?”

“Over there,” he points his chin towards the booth he just vacated. “But don’t look!”

Natasha turns. Four people left in the booth, two men and two women. “Brunette or redhead?”

“Brunette,” he somberly says.

“You’re saying the guy with too much hair gel is her new boy?”

“He does have too much gel doesn’t he? I’m Barney,” he sticks his hand out for her to shake.

Natasha eyes it and turns back to see hot brunette talking with her friends. “Left you at the altar a week ago huh? That’s a low blow.”

Barney’s eyes twinkle. “Yes, yes it was a low blow, I just don’t know if I can handle seeing her right now with…him.”

“You should give her a piece of your mind.”

“Oh no, I can’t,” he shakes his head.

“Come on,” Natasha slides out of the booth.

“Wait no!” Barney panics, tripping on his suddenly untied shoes.

The group in the booth taper off their conversations as Natasha stands in front of them, Barney sliding to a halt next to her.

“Robin you broke my heart!” he says, shocking them. “First you demand that I take penis dehancing pills because I’m too big for you, and mind you they didn’t work, it only made it bigger! And then you beg me to buy you that 40 carat diamond engagement ring which you’ve kept. And then you leave me at the altar while my mother is laying in her literal death bed to watch us get married. Now this?! How could you Robin?!”

Hot brunette, Robin, drops her jaw in complete and utter horror as do the others. She turns to Natasha and shakes her head.

Natasha grins and holds her hand out to Robin. _“You look like you could use a lot less male stupidity in your life.”_

If anything, Robin looks even more flummoxed, in another second she’s completely composed with a smile of her own. _“Are you here to rescue me?”_

Natasha’s face drops into neutral and she takes a shaky step back. Luckily for her, Clint appears again and steadies her with a hand to her arm.

“Tasha?” he asks, eyebrows knitted in concern.

Opening and closing her mouth several times, no noise comes out. She closes her eyes and breathes in deeply, calming herself. Out of all the scenarios she’s ever thought of for the introduction to her soul mate, this particular one has never crossed her mind; And Natasha Romanoff is thorough. 99% of her fantasies don’t have happy endings, nor any happy beginnings, but reality it seems is entirely different.

“Hey, are you okay?” Robin asks, standing near her, but far enough to not be in her personal space.

Natasha opens her eyes and nods, she waves off the concern. “I’m fine, I just didn’t expect this.” She gestures to the space between them.

“Trust me, I didn’t either,” Robin responds. “So…uh…how does this work?”

Natasha licks her lips, smirking at how fast Robin’s eyes darted to her mouth. “No clue.”

“Robin Scherbatsky, pleasure to meet you,” Robin extends her hand.

Natasha makes a split second decision. She takes Robin’s hand, “Natalie Rushman.”

“Guys…what’s going on?” the redhead in the booth asks, eyeing their still clasped hands.

“Lily,” Robin sighs and takes her hand back, scratching her neck. “I think I just met my soul mate.”

“WHAT?!” Clint shrieks and flails his arms. Natasha elbows him in the ribs sharply and he grunts in pain.

“Ignore him,” Natasha says as Clint tries to speak again. She shoves his face away and turns her full attention to Robin. “We should exchange phone numbers.”

“Yea, yea of course.”

They do just that, and in the background their friends are all collectively losing their shit.

Natasha fails miserably in keeping her wide smile in check when Robin’s fingers graze against the palm of her hand when giving back her phone; it helps her ego when Robin seems to be having the same trouble.

-

“Clint what do I do?” Natasha flops on the couch, groaning.

He takes off her shoes and slides under her legs. “With what?”

Natasha flails her limbs. “Robin, soul mate of mine, what do I do?”

“Date her?”

“I can’t, can I?” Natasha looks at him through her fingers.

“Why not?”

“She’s a civilian, she doesn’t know who I am and I can get her killed or worse, tortured!”

“Drama queen much?” Clint mumbles.

“I’m not being a drama queen, this is serious. She’s… nice. I can’t lie to her for the rest of my life.”

Clint scratches the stubble on his chin. “You can tell her the truth.”

“And scare her off forever?”

“You’re her soul mate, she wouldn’t run off that fast. Plus you can catch her.”

“Not helping,” she grumbles, burrowing deeper into the cushions.

“Huh. Maybe that’s why Coulson banned the bar.”

Natasha blinks. “Are you trying to say Coulson knew who my soul mate was and specifically banned it so I wouldn’t meet her? That’s absurd. He’s good, but he’s not that good.”

“Unless,” Clint holds up a finger. “He did that on purpose knowing you would go!”

“Not buying it.”

“It can’t be a coincidence.”

Natasha chews her lower lip. “Figure out why that area is banned in the first place.”

“So you’re not updating your mate status?”

“Nope.”

“Ohhh bad girl,” Clint waggles his finger.

Natasha smirks and sits up. “I have it on good authority Robin loves the bad types.”

-

They never get a chance to break into SHIELD database.

“Barton, Romanoff, my office now,” Coulson says to them first thing when they step into SHIELD HQ.

The door shuts and security protocols are in place when Coulson lays into them.

“What the hell were you two thinking?” he demands, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Huh?” Clint scratches his arm.

“Don’t. You two disobeyed a direct order and went into restricted zone 485A.”

Clint and Natasha share a look, how did he know?

“Romanoff, you haven’t updated your soul mate status.”

Natasha tilts her head to the side, who told him?. “SHIELD rules indicate I have 48 hours to do so.”

“You were never going to do it.”

She shrugs her shoulders. Can’t argue with that.

Coulson sighs and rubs at the aching spot between his eyes. “This is unnecessarily complicated, no thanks to you two.”

“So Tasha’s met her soul mate, she should be getting a week off, mandated rules and all that,” Clint says.

Coulson looks up and narrows his eyes at Clint then at Natasha. “You have no idea do you? Did you two just decide to break the rules without knowing what rules you broke?”

Their silence says it all. He shakes his head and presses a button on his phone. “Commander Hill, you’re needed.”

“Wait, we’re getting reprimanded by Level 9?” Clint asks.

Natasha raises an eyebrow and Clint stares wide eyed at her. Just what did they stumble into?

The door beeps open and in comes Commander Maria Hill, aka Robin Scherbatsky in full SHIELD field suit attire, her previously loose hair now in a utilitarian bun. Her face is completely neutral save her eyes, they’re at least amused rather than murderous. The door shuts and she turns to Coulson, smirking.

“I told you they didn’t know,” Maria says.

Coulson sighs and slaps a twenty in Maria’s waiting hand. “They’re two of my best agents Maria.”

Maria slips the twenty in her belt and shrugs her shoulders. “Apparently not.”

“Hey!” Clint says, offended.

Natasha on the other hand, takes a step towards Maria. “You’re good,” she praises.

“Thank you Agent Romanoff,” Maria nods her head. “But you interrupted my Op, we can’t have that now.”

“What are you going to do?” Natasha says, looking up at Maria through her eyelashes.

“No fair!” Clint groans behind them. “You can’t seduce a superior officer.”

Maria gives him the look that has agents scrambling for cover, at least Clint has enough self-preservation to snap his jaw shut.

“Two of them,” he mumbles. “Not fair.”

“We’re going to have to set you two up in the Op. Agent Coulson will have all the details. Welcome to level 8,” Maria says to them.

“So…we’re not in trouble?”

Natasha rolls her eyes and steps on his foot. He jumps up and down clutching his barely injured foot.

“Does this mean all our dates will be comped by SHIELD?” Natasha wonders out loud.

Maria almost snorts. “It has to be well within range of your salary as a legal assistant.”

“No impromptu trip to Japan then?”

“Maybe to Canada. Should’ve chosen Nastya Alekperova instead.”

Natasha sighs. “Didn’t know I needed the wealth of a steel industry heiress.” She frowns. “You read my file.”

Maria smiles and shakes her head. “I’ve written half your dossier Romanoff.”

“Well that’s just unfair.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may or may not write an E rated spinoff to one of these chapters.
> 
> Could be swayed by popular votes. Wink wink.


	19. Lyrics <HIMYM AU> (N/M)

 

Natasha hates the mall.

The mall is an evil invention of capitalism, at least that’s what her Russian side says, and honestly she agrees with it, the masses of people crawling all over each other in stores to get better deals. If Natasha could help it, she’d never set foot in a mall unless she needed to for missions.

Except she can’t help it.

Any down time Natasha gets, she’d take a stroll in the brightly lit malls of the world, she’s in Canada this week. She takes her time going to the food court, the smell of freshly baked pretzels luring her in. They always smell great but the taste is lacking, yet Natasha always buys one.

She wanders around, munching on a pretzel. Natasha stops briefly, in the middle of the food court is a stage and a band sets up. Blinking, Natasha takes a long look at the singer, bottle blonde teenager wearing 80s American fashion, it’s the 90s now though, but then again the 80s fashion didn’t catch on in Canada until the 90s. She does have a nice pretty face, Natasha notes, perfectly symmetrical and looks like she’d be developing some very nice cheekbones and jawline once the baby fat goes away.

The music starts up, Natasha cringing. Pop music. Teenage pop music.

- **Let’s go to the mall everybody!**

Natasha nearly drops her food. It’s just a coincidence. It’s not even the right sentence, she’s fine.

Natasha’s heart beats faster, the pulsing nearly drowning out the music blasting through the entire mall. Her legs won’t cooperate, Natasha can’t leave. Then the singer turns towards her and points right at her.

_“Let’s go to the mall, today.”_

Jaw nearly dropping, Natasha manages to keep herself composed. It’s just a coincidence. There’s no way her soul mate could be a teenage pop star. Finally, the song ends and Natasha regains control of her limbs.

Her soul mark is from a Canadian teenage pop song. Great.

She vows to never step foot in a mall until this song blows over.

She’s glad the singer, Robin Sparkles, only stays popular in Canada and in parts of Asia. Her missions for the past year have been to Europe where the song hasn’t infected the masses of teenagers. Though on a layaway in Canada, Natasha hears that Canada’s sweetheart, has gone off the deep end with her latest single ‘P.S. I love you’, too emo for their taste and a dark day for Canadian music history. Sparkles’s career in music fades and Natasha puts it to the back of her mind. That is, until she meets Senior Agent Maria Hill.

“Black Widow, this is Agent Hill, she’ll be your handler for Operation Indigo,” Coulson says, gesturing to Hill beside him.

Natasha stares and stares. Hill doesn’t back down, matching her. Coulson though, is rightfully confused.

Finally, Natasha grins, setting the two senior agents on edge. “ _Your musical taste is appalling Sparkles.”_

Through training, Hill and Coulson don’t react, except Hill glares even harder at Natasha. “Careful Agent Romanoff,” Hill says.

Natasha leans back in her chair. “Coulson, we may have a problem.”

“Why’s that Agent Romanoff?”

“My soul mate was a teenage popstar in Canada.”

Coulson whips his head between them so fast he gets a crick in his neck. “What? How do you…Maria?”

Hill sighs and nods to Natasha. “I remember you, Vancouver Mall was it? 98’?”

“Yup,” Natasha says, popping the p. She unzips her field suit and right under her bra on her ribs is Hill’s writing.

Hill hisses through her teeth. “That Op is never leaving me is it?”

“Ah, so you were undercover, that’s good, I wasn’t sure if I could take having a former teenage popstar as my soul mate. It’s bad enough it’s my soul mark.”

Coulson abruptly stands up and takes the files in his hands. “I’ll go reassign the Op,” he says, pausing at the exit. He waves his free hand vaguely at them. “Don’t do it here, please, and file your paperwork Natasha.” The door bangs shut behind him.

Natasha, still with her field suit halfway unzipped, smirks at his exit and leans forward onto the desk, accentuating her cleavage. Hill’s eyes dart down for half a second. “So what now?”

Hill gets up and holds her hand out to Natasha. “Lunch?”

Natasha pouts.

“We’re not doing anything Romanoff,” Hill rolls her eyes.

“What? I didn’t say we were going to do anything.”

Hill points to Natasha’s torso. “New fashion statement?” She takes Natasha’s zipper and pulls the suit all the way up.

“You’re no fun,” Natasha bats her hand away, taking the zipper and pulling it down right to a hint of cleavage.

“Lunch?” Maria repeats.

“Then your apartment?”

“No, then we can go on a date.”

“As long as it isn’t to the mall,” Natasha says, taking Hill’s hand and dragging her out the room.

“I’ve never set foot in a mall after that Op.”

“Good, I haven’t either since I saw you there.”

 


	20. Mission Success (N/M)

 

“Hawkeye, do you copy?”

There’s silence on the other line.

 “Hawkeye, report!” Maria slams her hands on the table and switches to a private line. “Hawkeye’s down Coulson.”

“Copy that Hill, sending extraction time, ETA 30 minutes.”

Maria glances at the video feed monitoring infrared, Hawkeye’s temperature is lowering drastically. “I’m going in,” she says to Coulson.

“Negative Hill, wait for the team.”

“Overruled, they won’t make it in time.” Maria checks her gun in the holster and grabs a few more clips, stashing it in her vest.

“Hill –“

“Coulson,” Maria hisses into the microphone.

He sighs. “Roger that Hill.”

Maria edges out of the safe house, less than a mile away from Hawkeye. Five minutes and she’s at the warehouse. Placing on an eyepiece with infrared, Maria sees that Hawkeye is in the same position, temperature steadily lowering, but still alive. No other heat signatures in the warehouse. At least that’s what it looks like. Maria scales the pipe along the building and slips through the window, all without a single sound. With her gun drawn, Maria scans the building, dark and dank of course, but no sign of her target.

Reaching Hawkeye, Maria narrows her eyes. No blood. In fact he’s only sitting in a pool of ice water, unconscious.

A click echoes through the abandoned factory, Maria’s wise enough to stay still.

Behind her, Maria guesses at least 10 feet away, she hears the unmistakable voice of the Black Widow speaking in Russian. << _Are you here to kill me? >>_

Maria blinks. _< <No but I did learn Russian for you.>>_

A few seconds of strained silence and Widow responds, “Your accent is horrible.”

Maria slowly turns around, gun still held high. “Black Widow.”

“You know who I am,” Widow says, her gun aimed at Maria’s head. “Who are you?”

“Why didn’t you kill him?” Maria asks instead, tilting her head towards Hawkeye.

“Did you want him dead?”

“Why didn’t you kill him?” she repeats.

Widow looks to weigh the question in her head. “He didn’t try to kill me.”

“So?”

“It made me curious, was it Hawkeye or SHIELD who didn’t want me dead. Now that you’re here, you can answer for him.”

Maria starts to lower her gun, which is against all procedure and common sense thing to do, but her instincts are dictating her next few moves.

Widow keeps her gun where it is.

“Take you in alive if possible, eliminate if necessary,” says Maria.

Widow nods and finally her gun lowers. Maria feels like breathing a sigh of relief but doesn’t, Widow could as easily kill her in two seconds with the gun or without it.

“How long do we have?” Widow asks.

“15 minutes.”

“Call your team, I’m willing to comply.”

Maria stares at her. “Why?”

“Well, turns out my soul mate works for SHIELD,” Widow says with a grin.

Maria’s stare turns into an outright glare, she puts the gun back on Widow’s head. “Why?”

Widow drops her grin and her neutral face returns, this time the mask slips a tiny bit, her eyes looking far more haggard. “I’m tired of running.”

Maria points her gun again, not satisfied with Widow’s response.

Raising her hands in surrender, Widow says, “My ledger is dripping in red. SHIELD is the best place to even it out.”

“Your hands won’t ever be clean of blood Widow, and certainly not by SHIELD.”

“I know that,” Widow bites back.

Maria puts the gun in her holster and gives Widow a sharp nod. “As long as we’re clear. SHIELD is not your salvation, you won’t ever find that in this lifetime.” She points to Hawkeye. “Get him out of the ice before he gets hypothermia.”

Widow raises an eyebrow.

“If you’re going to join SHIELD, you’ll have to learn to follow my orders.”

Grabbing the back of Hawkeye’s uniform, she drags him out of the tub and drops him onto the cement ground. “And who am I following orders from?”

“Commander Maria Hill.”

Widow’s eyebrows rise in surprise. “I have to say, you are certainly making a name for yourself in espionage. Didn’t think you’d personally be on a mission.”

“What name will you be going by?”

Widow smirks and Maria will soon come to find that to be her smartass mischievous pain in the ass smirk. “Whatever name is best for you to scream when I’m buried between your legs.”

Maria stays silent.

Widow shrugs her shoulders. “Natasha Romanoff.”

“You could choose something completely new but you’re going with an Anglicized Natalia Romanova?”

“Yes.”

“Fine,” Maria walks until she stands in front of her, “Natasha.”


	21. May Day (N/M/ Melinda May)

 

Agent Melinda May has two soul mates, though she hadn’t had two for half her life. The first one appears at birth, at least there’s the consolation one soul mate is at least as old as she is. The second, well, studying for those God forsaken aptitude tests do come in handy. Just how old will Melinda be when her soul mate is 18? Melinda gets her second soul mark at the age of 20. She’s 20 years older than her second soul mate. Luckily for her, she spots the writing while taking a shower, the mark spiraling down her thigh in neat cursive. Melinda’s first thought after the shock is the fact that she can no longer tease Coulson for his future cradle robbing. In fact she’s much worse, 20 years older rather than the measly 15 Coulson has on his.

She fully expects to meet the older soul mate first, not the younger one.

Commander Maria Hill is an impressive individual, exceeding expectations for any officer ten years her senior, let alone a woman. Maria Hill is appointed to be Fury’s second when she’s just 28, a scant 5 years into SHIELD.

She would have made a fine soul mate for Melinda, but not for Agent May. Not after what she’s done to become the Calvary.

Melinda is completely bored out of her mind with her administration position and to pass the time, she’d go to the range after hours – it’s okay, Agent Ryker likes her enough to lend her the keys at lunch – and keep up her skills. It’s a testament to Agent Hill’s skills that Melinda never even notices her behind her until she makes her presence known.

“ _Impressive shot Agent May_.”

Melinda sets down her gun and takes off the earmuffs before turning around, her arms crossed. “ _I wasn’t aware you had any interest in this side of the building Agent._ ”

Agent Hill’s eyes widen just a fraction. “Huh. That’s an entirely different context than I thought ti would be.” She holds her hand out. “Agent Maria Hill.”

“I know who you are,” Melinda says, shaking her hand.

“That’s unfortunate.”

Melinda arches an eyebrow.

“Rumor mills aren’t a great place to hear about your soul mate.”

“And if I said it wasn’t the rumor mills I heard them from?”

Agent Hill smiles. “Well, then I’d say Coulson is a dirty rotten liar and you should hear it straight from the source. Dinner?”

Melinda stares at Agent Hill’s hopeful eyes. She turns away and slots the bullets into the magazine. “You’ve read my file.”

“I make it my business to know SHIELD personnel, especially ones with a record like yours.”

“Then I trust that you know better.”

“Than what?”

Melinda shoves the magazine into the gun and pulls back the barrel. “Than to associate with me.”

Before Melinda could properly put on her earmuffs, Maria says, “you’d be surprised at who I would associate myself with. Especially with our second soul mate.”

Melinda grits her teeth.  Bye the time she empties the gun into the target, Agent Hill’s disappeared.

 

There’s someone in her apartment. A professional. Melinda goes about her usual routine, setting her purse onto the kitchen counter and reaches for the gun under it, except it’s not there.

 _“Looking for this?”_ a voice pipes up from her living room.

Melinda drops her hand. A redheaded woman in casual clothing, possibly borrowed, is gesturing to her gun on the coffee table.

 _“Did she put you up to this?_ ”

The woman, her second soul mate it seems, shakes her head no.

Melinda doesn’t let her confusion show, but this woman, she looks to be just a bit older than Maria Hill. Possibly late 20s, but that’s not possible. Her soul mate should be as old as she is.

“Natasha Romanoff,” she introduces herself.

“The Black Widow,” Melinda says.

“Yup.” Romanoff puts her feet up on her coffee table. “See now why Maria’s not even concerned about your record?”

“Not interested.” Melinda goes to the kitchen and reaches for a beer. God she needs some alcohol in her system now.

“You know the good and bad thing about Maria?”

Melinda rolls her eyes. The Black Widow is as much of a handful as Coulson makes her out to be. She counts her blessings that at least her soul mate isn’t Barton.

“She’s persistent,” Natasha continues. “We both are. Just letting you know now before you have any ideas about honor.”

“Was that an Asian joke?”

“Nope. Referring to you being a soldier, but good to know, race jokes not appropriate.”

Melinda leans against the wall, eyeing Romanoff as she sips her beer. “Would you like a beer or is vodka more to your liking?”

Romanoff grins. “Ohhh, she does have claws.”

“Are you going to tell me why you look young enough to be my daughter when we both know you should be as old as I am?”

“Actually, I’d be old enough to be your mother and possibly Maria’s grandmother.”

Melinda’s eyebrows shoot up. Well then. She never expected her life to be boring, she’s a spy after all, but this is another level. Melinda polishes off the rest of her beer. “We’re going to actually need vodka for this talk won’t we?”

“Yes. Don’t worry, Maria’s on her way with more. Better than the ones you have.”

“Criticizing my choice of alcohol already?”

“You have shit vodka, it’s my job as your soul mate to rectify that.”

Rolling her eyes, Melinda grabs a three shot glasses from her cupboard. She chews on her lip.  At least she’s not the cradle robber now.


	22. May Day (2)

 

The team is avoiding her.

Every time Melinda speaks with Skye, Jemma and Fitz, they would come up with excuses and run. The worse is Jemma and Fitz who bumble around and then flee. At least Skye can come up with credible lies.

Ever since she’s come back from the mission involving the Avengers, they’ve been acting strange. The peace and quiet would normally be a gift but this is just ridiculous.

She overhears, no she did not purposely spy this time, the team speaking with Coulson under hushed tones.

“Seriously is she okay?” Skye asks.

“I assure you, Agent May is fine.”

Jemma shifts and asks, “Are you sure? She’s been…acting strange.”

Melinda takes offense to that. If anyone’s been acting strange it’s them.

Coulson sighs. “Simmons, she’s fine.”

“I don’t agree,” Fitz interrupts. “May… hasn’t been the same ever since she’d gone on that mission. Did they do something to her?”

Skye and Jemma nod to Fitz’s statement.

“Leave May alone,” Coulson commands. “We have much more important things to deal with. Fitz Simmons, are you finished prepping?”

“Of course sir!” Jemma says, affronted. “Agent Hill will not be disappointed.”

“Good,” Coulson says, turning to leave. “Oh and Fitz Simmons, don’t be a fan.”

Skye snickers until Jemma regains her bearings enough to punch her in the arm.

“What?” Skye continues to laugh. “He has a point. You’ve been talking non stop about Agent Maria Hill and her credentials for the past two days. Hell, if May hadn’t been acting so weird you’d totally ask her how she is.”

“Agent Maria Hill,” Jemma says with reverence. “Is the first female to be appointed second in command of SHIELD, and also the youngest. She’s –“

“I get it,” Skye interrupts. “But seriously, keep the fangirling down? You too Fitz, I see you.”

Fitz snaps his jaw shut and struggles to come up with a biting remark.

Melinda leaves them squabbling in the corridor. She narrows her eyes. Maria didn’t say anything about a visit.

A few hours later, Melinda’s doubly annoyed. Natasha is here too. Except she’s been whisked away to Coulson’s office while the science team shows Maria the new tech they’ve designed. Turns out Maria wants a few iCER pistols after seeing the effectiveness on super soldiers. She hovers in the lab, as Fitz Simmons demonstrate the iCER to Maria, spewing facts upon facts. Maria holds the weight in her hand and points it at a target, she sets it back down.

“Does it have to glow?” she asks.

“Uh…what?” Fitz asks.

“Not very covert, does it have to light up?”

“Oh…no, it doesn’t. Not covert, glow in the dark why didn’t we think of that?” he asks Jemma.

“I don’t know, May and Ward…” Jemma stops herself. “May’s never complained about it.”

Maria quirks an eyebrow at Melinda. “You don’t find a glowing gun as a huge target in an otherwise dark environment?”

“It’s never been an issue,” Melinda says.

Maria hums. “Make it look less like an alien toy gun.”

“I…yes ma’am,” Fitz ducks his head.

“Otherwise, good work Agent Fitz, Agent Simmons, we’d like a couple in our arsenal.”

“Weapons for the Avengers?” Fitz asks, eyes glinting.

“Could be,” Maria nods. “Also Mouse Holes, they come in handy.”

“Oh, you know about them?” Fitz scratches the back of his neck, face reddening.

Maria ponders that question for a moment. “We’ve used it to save Captain America, Black Widow and Falcon. Yes, I know about them.”

Fitz beams and immediately turns to his work space, readying his supplies.

“Agent Simmons, the new iCER formula must be potent enough to sedate even enhanced humans.”

“Of course Agent Hill.”

Something flashes in Maria’s eyes when she looks at Melinda. Melinda knows exactly what that means, but she waits patiently.

“Dismissed Agents Fitz and Simmons,” she commands.

They share a look and turn to Melinda who only stares at them impassively before scurrying out, the lab doors sliding shut behind them.

“Didn’t know you and Natasha were coming by,” Melinda says first.

“It was meant to be a surprise.”

“You told Coulson.”

Maria shrugs. “Had to have a valid reason to visit.”

“Stroking the scientist ego then?”

“They have good tech.”

“Stark’s not going to go crazy you’re outsourcing?”

“He’ll be begging to meet them when he takes them apart.” Maria slides next to Melinda and bumps her hip.

Melinda tries not to grin, she knows she’s failed at that. “Coulson’s going to complain you’re stealing his team.”

“Where’s your quarters?”

“Not far.”

“Lead the way,” Maria gestures.

“And Natasha?”

Maria raises an eyebrow.

“I know she’ll find us,” Melinda says rolling her eyes. “But how long is her meeting with Coulson?”

“Finished,” Natasha says suddenly behind her.

“How long do we have?” Melinda shifts, leaning slightly towards both Natasha and Maria.

“Four hours,” Maria answers.

Melinda nods and grabs Maria behind her neck, pulling her down for a kiss. Maria laughs and reciprocates, hands going around Melinda’s waist.

“Room. Now.” Natasha vaguely points to the lab doors.

“Right,” Melinda ignores that and tugs Natasha in to kiss her too.

“Holy shit!”

Melinda suppresses the annoyed groan, straightening her back and glaring at the intruder, actually intruders. Skye’s eyes are wide open, jaw dropped. Jemma and Fitz are no better standing next to her. Coulson though, is shaking his head.

“I…were you just…is that the Black Widow?” Skye stutters and points. “Were you kissing the Black Widow?”

“That’s not any of your business Skye,” Melinda says.

“You totally were!”

“Agent Skye,” Maria says, throwing her a glare. “As Agent May said, that’s none of your business.”

“Hold on,” Skye continues, no sense of self-preservation intact. “That’s why you’ve been smiling all week!”

Melinda blinks. “What?”

“That makes complete sense,” Jemma says, nodding along with Fitz.

“You’ve been freaking us out all week, smiling, we thought you got replaced again,” Skye explains.

Natasha and Maria both turn towards her, amusement clearly in their eyes.

“That good huh?” Natasha quips.

Melinda elbows her sharply in the ribs, smirking at the satisfying grunt Natasha makes.

“Discretion,” Coulson says. “You used to have it.”

Natasha shoots him a look. “If you weren’t keeping her from us…”

“I’m not!” Coulson says suddenly indignant.

“Great, Agent May, would you like to take a week off and come with us?” Maria slips in.

Coulson’s eyes widen. “Hold on, that’s not what I –“

“I’d love to Agent Hill.”

“Great,” Natasha claps her hands together. She grabs Maria and Melinda’s arms, tugging them out.

Behind them, Melinda hears Skye’s high pitched voice. “BOTH OF THEM?! SHE’S SLEEPING WITH BOTH OF THEM?!”

Melinda feels the muscles in her cheek twitch, a smile. Huh. So maybe she had been smiling all week. Not her fault.


	23. Operator AU (N/M)

 

Maria Hill is friends with teenage boys. Okay, they’re not actually teenage boys but they might as well be. She takes another sip of beer, maybe the alcohol will make them tolerable.

“Come on it’ll be fun!” Phil says.

Nope. She still wants to punch them all in the face.

“How is that even going to be fun?” she asks.

“A dare’s been made, you going to take the challenge Hill?” Nick says, raising an eyebrow in challenge.

“I’ll poke your other goddamn eye out Fury.”

“You don’t have to,” Clint drawls out, leaning into Phil.

Maria narrows her eyes. He’s smirking.

“I’ll just forever call you chicken and cluck at you” Clint continues, sticking his tongue out.

“Phil your boyfriend has the mind of a two year old.”

Phil has the audacity to shrug and kiss Clint on the cheek. “His mindset may be young, but his body is not.”

Maria holds her hand out, physically trying to stop the obscene things going through his head. “Ew. T-M- Fucking- I.” She looks over at Nick and instead of the usual looks they give each other at Phil and Clints PDA mushiness, he’s on the phone. “Oh hell no, give me that!”

She takes a lunge for it and the rascal that he is, he puts the phone to her ear instead.

“Already connected,” he says with a smirk.

“ _Hey baby, looking for a good time tonight?”_

Maria freezes, her hand going to the phone. She clears her throat. It’s her fucking Soul Mark. All the prepared snarky responses she’s been cultivating for years just slips her mind.

“ _You’re a sex operator?”_ she states more than asks.

There’s silence on the other end. Maria wants to hear that voice again, she can understand just why her possible soul mate is a sex operator. She has one husky and sexy voice, can probably charm the pants off of anyone with just that voice. Probably actually has charmed the pants off people.

“Yea, I am. Just so we’re clear, is your mark a terrible pick up line?”

“It is.”

“Huh. Okay.”

Maria wets her lips. “Is yours…mine?”

“Hill you are terrible at this,” Clint groans across from her. “Give me!” He lunges and takes the phone out of a still shell-shocked Maria and puts it to his ear.

“Clint.” She attempts to snatch it back only for him to jump off the couch.

“Hey sexy lady, I’ve been a bad bad boy, want to spank me?”

Maria just about goes to strangle him but Clint suddenly goes deathly pale. She pokes at his arms, no response. “Barton. Phone now.”

“She hung up.”

Maria closes her eyes, counts to ten. “You just hung up on my soul mate,” she grits out.

“Hold on,” Nick says. “Soul mate?”

“She said my mark and I said hers, what the hell Barton?!” She punches him in the bicep, hard.

He reels back and rubs what will become a large bruise tomorrow and holds his hands up to appease and also deflect Maria’s fists.

“Maria, calm down,” Phil puts a hand on her shoulders. “Just call them again.”

Maria grabs the phone back and encounters the lock screen, she holds it out for Nick and he unlocks it. She goes through the recent calls and dials, tapping her foot as the others look on.

“Hey sexy –“ another sex operator says.

“I need you to connect me back to the previous operator,” Maria commands.

“Uhm…what?”

“I called a minute ago, I need to talk to the other girl, now.”

“Well I’m here now,” the sex operator says in her sex kitten voice.

“Her. Now,” Maria says through clenched teeth.

A beat. The sex operator sighs. “This is a randomized system, we can’t and don’t know how to reconnect you.”

Maria drops the phone. Luckily for Nick , he grabs it right in time before it hits the hardwood floors, sure to crack the screen.

“Randomized system,” she repeats.

“Maria,” Phil says in his best reassuring voice.

“No,” she shrugs off his hand. “I can’t right now. Bye guys.”

“Maria!” all of them say at once.

She shakes her head, gives Clint the deadliest glare she can muster, a small part of her is satisfied by his flinch.

Back at her apartment, Maria collapses onto her couch and sighs. Maybe she can call the phone sex company and get her information? Except, she has no name just a description of her voice. And even though what would she say? I think I met my soul mate on your sex line but my friends boyfriend accidentally hung up and now I can’t find her? Yea, that’ll go over smoothly.

She rummages through her cabinet to find the good scotch, she needs it after today, but the buzzer in her apartment goes off. She chews her lip. If it’s the guys coming to apologize, she’s not in the mood. Maria puts her eye to the peephole and furrows her eyebrows. It’s a woman, one she doesn’t know.

Opening the door a crack with the chain still on, she asks, “Can I help you?”

The woman, a redhead, a gorgeous one at that, smiles. “If you’re Maria Hill, then yea, you can.”

Maria’s jaw drops. She blinks. Nope not an illusion. “Keep talking,” she says.

“Hey baby, looking for a good time?” the woman says, her voice even sexier in person. “Going to let your soul mate in sometime?”

“How’d you find me?” Maria asks. Soul mate or not, she’s not letting in a stranger who somehow tracked her down.

“Clint, he’s a friend and my roommate.”

Maria chews on her lip. “Hold on.” She shuts the door. A second. She opens it again, the chain still on. “What’s your name?”

The woman quirks an eyebrow, amused. “Natasha Romanoff.”

“Okay.” Maria shuts the door again.

She calls Clint and drums her fingers along the wall.

“Maria, hey!” he says. “Did Tasha find you?”

“So you do know her,” Maria says. “And you sent her to my apartment?”

“Uhh…happy birthday?”

“It’s not my birthday.”

“Well it should be, happy soul mate day then, go get her Hill!” He hangs up.

Maria shakes her head, clearing the fog. She undoes the chain and opens the door wide. Natasha’s leaning against the wall and she smiles at Maria.

“Am I vetted yet?”

“Come in.”

Natasha sits on the couch and puts her feet on the coffee table. “I became a sex operator for you.”

“How long have you been one?” Maria asks, sitting next to her.

“Is this going to be a problem?”

“No, I’m just curious.”

“So you’re not going to tell me to quit?”

Maria shrugs. “Not my decision. If it’s what you need to do, I’m not opposed to it.”

“You were my first call.”

“Ah.” Maria nods. “Okay.”

Natasha rolls her eyes. “Hi, my names Natasha, I’m a ballet instructor on the weekends and I’m studying Computer Science.” She tilts her head. “And I’m Russian.”

“Maria, I work at the gun range part time, double major in Business and Political Science. Half-Canadian.”

“Pleasure to meet you Maria,” Natasha says, holding her hand out.

She looks at the outstretched hand, instead of shaking it, Maria leans in, very slowly, giving Natasha time to pull away if she wants to, she never does. Maria kisses her, soft and slow. Natasha’s hand goes to her shoulder, pulling her closer.


	24. Simple greetings

The most simple and infuriating soul mark.

The only clue Natasha gets from her mark is the fact that her soulmate speaks English. Lot of help that does in America.

Steve Rogers, greets her first at the meet and greet. “Hey.”

Natasha shakes his hand, politely smiling. “You’re certainly the all-American hunky goodness Hollywood’s been thrusting down everyone’s throats.”

He blinks and coughs, laughing only when Natasha smiles wider. “Right, thank you.”

“Natasha,” she introduces herself. “Russian.”

“Ah,” he nods. “You don’t have an accent.”

“Observant, I’d been studying English since I was a child.”

“And you chose an American accent?”

Natasha raises an eyebrow. “I didn’t choose it, my instructors were American. What accent would you have chosen?”

He glances over at another student, Peggy Carter, Natasha’s roommate. Natasha nods. “British huh?”

“I have it on good authority Americans love the accent.”

“Speaking from experience?”

His cheeks burn red. “Yea, I’m not the only one.” He points his chin towards another girl, waving at them with her friend in tow. “That’s Angie, she’s…we’re…the three of us…”

Poly-soulbond. Not exactly rare but still frowned upon.

Natasha shrugs. “Always knew Peggy’s heart was big enough.”

“Hey, who’s this?” Angie asks. “I’m Angie, this is Maria.”

Maria smiles. “ _Hey.”_

Natasha shakes her hand, running her finger along Maria’s wrist. Maria’s pupil’s blow wide and doesn’t retract her hand. Natasha grins. _“You always this chatty or am I just special?”_

“What?” Maria blanches. “I…I’m … hi.”

“Seriously?” Natasha pulls Maria in by the hand she still hasn’t let go. “You know how many people have said ‘Hey’ to me?”

Natasha pulls up her sleeve, presenting her mark.

Maria’s hand hovers over Natasha’s forearm. “Probably your fault I’m so quiet then.”

Shrugging, Natasha steers Maria away from the gathering, outside to fresh air. “Your fault I’m so sarcastic then.”

“I think that’s all you.”

“Care to find out?”

“Absolutely.”


End file.
